A client approaches you with the following question: “My visions and goals are great but they aren’t real. How can I start living them now?” Master Coach Zahava Starak answers this dilemma…

Wow! A dilemma of a question! How can one start living something that isn’t real? More likely the client in this case has goals and a vision that are very real - but perhaps not realistic or attainable in their view.

Or perhaps they feel that other people in their life might not appreciate their goal or that they are silly to have any aspirations. As a coach it is therefore a good idea to discuss with your client what is happening in their life at the present and what they want to see happening - and then whether there is any synchronicity between the two.

To this end you could follow the WDEP acronym.  Each letter of this acronym refers to a cluster of strategies that can be implemented by the coach to promote change and assist the client in living the life they want.

In this acronym the letter W stands for Wants and Needs.

The coach asks a number of questions that encourage their client to discover what their needs are. Clients are given the opportunity to explore every aspect of their life and determine what they want from family, work, friends and so on. 

Typical questions include: “What do you want that you don’t seem to be getting?” or “What would you be doing if you were living how you wanted to?” By answering such questions that client is painting a picture of their “quality world”.

Next, the coach addresses the letter D which stands for Direction and Doing. 

The coach now discusses with their client the overall direction of their life, including where they are going and where their behaviour is taking them. Once again, through questioning, the focus is on the client’s present reality.

Questions to be asked at this stage include: “What are you doing about this?” and “What did you actually do this past week?” As it is evident, these questions examine the behaviours of the client to determine whether they are helping them attain their quality world.

This then brings us to the letter E which stands for Evaluation. The coach now asks such questions as: “Is what you are doing helping you or hurting you?” or “Does your present behaviour have a reasonable chance of getting you what you want now?” These questions help the client evaluate their behaviour and to honestly look at the consequences of their actions. With this realistic appraisal the client is now ready to make effective choices that may lead to change and goal attainment.

So they can now address the letter P which stands for Planning and Commitment. Clients can now explore the behaviours which can satisfy their wants and help them live their vision. Questions to assist the client at this stage include: “What plans could you make that would result in a more satisfying life?” or “Are there any other ways you achieve this goal?”

By following this acronym the client is empowered to start making their goals real and attainable thereby enabling them to live the life they want. Let’s now see how this acronym works in a real situation.

Case Example

Our client in this case is Linda. She describes her life as one that should be ’satisfying’. She is happily married to an accountant and enjoys looking after her two children aged 5 and 7. Her husband earns enough money so that the family has all their basic needs met without Linda having to work.

Before the birth of her second child Linda worked in the hospitality industry and enjoyed the interaction with people. It is only recently that she began questioning her ‘quality world’ and talking about goals and visions. Linda wants to expand her world and says that she is probably ’silly’ and that she should abandon her ‘grand plans’ and take up a hobby instead.

Linda is basically saying that her goals and vision aren’t real - but asking - how can I start living them now.

Based on our model the first step is to determine what Linda’s wants and needs are, and so we can ask Linda “What do you want with your life that you don’t seem to be getting?” We can further this exploration by asking Lind to describe the world that she would like to wake up to if, while sleeping, a miracle happened and her needs were met (the Miracle question).

Linda does know what she wants and she explains that she would like to see the children off to school each morning and then work on her catering and special events business that she has dreamt of for the last two years. With enthusiasm she explains in detail her business concept and who she would have helping her run it. Her wants and needs would be met by the challenge of the business and by the social interaction it would offer.

Next we can ask Linda what she is doing to get her wants. More specifically we ask, “What did you actually do this past week to take steps to start your business?” and “What do you see for yourself now and in the future?”

Linda’s enthusiasm wanes and she indicates that all she has been doing is talking about her dream to both perspective employees and supporters. She has only briefly mentioned it to her husband. She owns up that she feels foolish to have such aspirations and so until now has chosen to dream but not to act.

This statement leads us into an evaluation and we ask Linda “Is what you want realistic?” and although Linda hesitates and stumbles in the discussion of her vision, it becomes evident that her dream is possible. She has the skills, the contacts, the finances and the passion - and so we now ask her “Does your present behaviour have a reasonable chance of getting you what you want now, and will it take you in the direction you want to go?”

Linda, as expected, answers ‘no’ but there is a smile on her face as she now realises that she can actually start doing something to make this goal come true. And we can now enter the Planning and Commitment Stage of the Model. Goals can be more specifically addressed using the SMART format and a vision can be described in more detail.

We can ask Linda to indicate how committed she is to attaining her goal and she answers that on a scale between 1and 10 where 1 is not committed and 10 is fully committed – she is a 10. We are now ready to formulate an action plan and initiate the first steps towards establishing Linda’s goal and having her live the life she wants. 

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. ~ Carl Jung

This post’s coaching question could come from someone who is already in a management or leadership position; someone who has recently been promoted within their company; or even someone who has been successful in gaining a position in a new company and it is a change from their previous role.
 
The question is: What’s the difference between leadership and management? Terry Neal answers…
 
You may already be coaching a client who presents you with this question to either help them set some personal goals which incorporate some appropriate leadership and/or management qualities in this new or existing role, and/or how they could include the activity of coaching in a team management or leadership situation.
 
Therefore they may also be keen to be both coached and to learn how they can apply coaching skills in their work environment in their specific management or leadership role.
 
You could begin your exploration of this question by asking your client about their role as it has been presented to them. Whether it is a new position and they have yet to start or how it is in practice, and for how long that have experienced it for.
 
You could then follow their description up with an activity you have already prepared, that lists some attributes and qualities of a manager and a leader and ask your client to indicate under which heading they would place each attribute.
 
These attributes could include: 

• systems focused person
• people focused person
• maintenance of current practices
• development of new practices
• control of practices
• trust & letting go
• short term perspective
• long term perspective
• imitators
• originators
• communicators
• inspirational
• delegates
• embodies confidence
• self motivation
• shows originality
• trail blazer
• etc.

Of course not each quality listed above is going to neatly fall under one or the other heading but the idea here is to assist your client to start thinking about their personal concept of management and leadership and then to add the qualities that they may have already used in previous roles that were headed as management or leadership (executive) roles and /or qualities that they feel they would like to include under either of these two headings.
 
The idea here is to not give your client your definition or description of management and leadership but to assist your client onto the path of self discovery around how others see the definition of these two roles.
 
You could assist your client in their deeper understanding of these two terms by asking them about others who are in either of these two roles that they have read about or whom they know personally and admire and to note the qualities that these people have used or are using in their management or leadership roles.
 
If this question is part of a larger coaching contract that you have with this client, then you could set this as an activity for them to do between sessions.
 
This information could help them form personal values that they could hold in being an effective manager or leader and could also be used by your client when planning the wording that states their vision of best management and/or leadership.

Institute courses are developed to maximise your learning experience. Your course is self paced and extremely flexible in the range. This means you can easily fit your studies around your lifestyle, allowing you to accelerate through your course or progress at a moderate pace. Regardless of how fast you choose to progress with your studies, you will have the full academic and administrative support of your Local Student Fulfilment Centre.

As one of Australia’s leading Life Coaching training providers you are assured that your course curriculum is of world leading standard and will equip you with the knowledge and skills you require to practice as a professional Life Coach.

The Institute’s academic team is there to assist you with your studies from enrolment to graduation. The comprehensive academic support systems have been designed to make your studies as enjoyable and enriching as possible. Some of the support services you will enjoy include:

1. Access to local Student Fulfilment Centres and specialist support in Brisbane, Sydney, Melbourne, Adelaide and Perth and assessment supervisors in Hobart, Darwin, Gold Coast and Sunshine Coast.
2. Cleverly written, purposefully designed and easy to understand learning materials that include individual workbooks, unique industry specific coaching case studies, practitioner tools and worksheets and fully referenced and categorised books of readings that represent over 55 leading coaching texts.
3. A dedicated national Study Assistance Hotline that puts you in direct contact with a team of accredited Coaching Advisers who are on hand Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm (EST) to support and guide you on your way to the successful completion of your coaching qualification.
4. A comprehensive and easy to navigate virtual campus on the web gives you the option to submit assessment via e-mail, access practical workshop timetables for each state, contact your coaching advisers to ask a question and network with other students through the community forum.
5. Weekly FREE Tele-Classes allow you to be part of an interactive study group which focuses on particular units of the course. Each week you can listen in and interact with your accredited coaching advisor and fellow students as you learn how to apply the knowledge, skills and coaching expertise presented within the course.
6. There is also a series of required 2 day Skills Workshops that allow you to apply, practice and refine your newly formed coaching skills under the guidance and expertise of an experienced Life Coach. These workshops are conducted in a class room setting with a small group of fellow students. Your confidence will grow as well as your skills and coaching know-how as you move through each training session.
7. You can also elect to be a part of an active student network where you can communicate via phone or e-mail with other local students and become part of an active study group or form a study partnership with someone you connect with.

For more information, visit www.lcia.com.au/lz.

Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) is a popular theory used in the world of coaching. It focuses on how people perceive and make meaning of their world and works with these perceptions to help people understand and make changes to the way they perceive their world.

In this article, we explore some techniques used by NLP practitioners.

Rapport

As many of the current theoretical models advocate, rapport is an essential ingredient in building the relationship between coach and client. Within the theory of NLP, it too states that rapport is essential to any successful communication including the coaching environment and that it is one of the three essential elements for creating change (Collingwood & Collingwood, 2001).

Rapport, in NLP, is developed through the use of a number of aspects including:

1. Matching the representation systems.
2. Matching body rapport including posture, breathing, gestures and eye blink rate.
3. Matching voice rapport including tone/pitch, volume, timbre/resonance, speed and intonation pattern.

Read through the following and have a go at the exercise in your own time.

Practising Rapport: “To practise rapport building, matching another person’s non-verbal signals; the rate and rhythm of their movements, the rate of their breathing, the rate of blinking their eyes, and the postures they assume. If they do something which would be uncomfortable for you, match it by doing something else in the same rhythm. This is called cross pacing.

When non-verbal signals are relatively easy to match, turn your attention to their voice. Match the relative pitch between theirs and yours; match the rhythm and speed of speech, the resonance and the intonation patterns” (Collingwood and Collingwood, 2001).

Reframing

Reframing is a technique used in NLP to consider a situation or conflict from another perspective to bring about change. For example, Kelly has just separated from her husband of ten years and is feeling uncertain about her future. A reframe of this situation could be that Kelly can now go out and investigate what she likes and focus on herself for a while.

There are numerous techniques used by NLP practitioners working with clients to reframe a situation. We will now investigate one such reframing technique.

Reframing With Two or More Parts: This technique is used when two or more parts are in conflict with each other. For example, work versus leisure. It investigates the intent of each part (ie. Work pays my bills which makes me happy vs. leisure time make me happy) and invites them to work towards the same intent (makes me happy) to lessen the inner conflict (ie. I have to work to pay my bills so I can enjoy my leisure time and this makes me happy).

Let us investigate the steps that can be applied to coaching (adapted from Collingwood & Collingwood, 2001). There is an example of the steps on the script below.

1. Externalise each part that has an interest in the conflict. This can be by imagining each part outside yourself, see a representation of the part, hear it as a voice, or feel it outside your body. See the diagram to the right for a visual representation. Refer to lines 9 to 12 in the script.
2. Assume each part has a positive intention, purpose or function for its behaviour. Invite each part to state its intention both to conscious awareness and to the other part/s involved. This can be done by expressing the intent as images, in words or in feelings. For example, the intent of work is to earn money. The intent of leisure is to have fun. Refer to lines 13 to 14 of the script below.
3. If the intents of the parts seem incompatible, investigate the intents further (ie. the intent of the intent of the intent) until coming to a mutually compatible intent. For example, the intent of work is to earn money to pay my bills so that I can live comfortably and have leisure time which makes me happy. The intent of leisure is to have fun to make me happy.
4. Now ask the parts if they would prefer to integrate with each other to become one composite part or if they would prefer to work together in mutual cooperation. Acknowledge the responses and ask them to wait until you invite them to proceed. Refer to lines 21 to 22 of the script.
5. Turn your attention inward and ask yourself if there are any objections or concerns in relation to integrating the parts. For example, how do I feel about these parts working together or becoming one? If there are objections, use the same process to establish intent and do not proceed until all objections are clarified (ie. go back to step 2). Refer to lines 23 to 24 of the script.
6. Invite the parts to either integrate with each other to become one composite part or work together in mutual cooperation (depending on what was decided in Step 5). The diagram shows a visual representation of this step. Refer to lines 25 to 26 of the script.
7. Now ask the new super part to integrate back into your body and spread evenly through all your physical and personal space. See the diagram for a visual representation. Refer to lines 27 to 28 of the script.
8. Now imagine being in a similar situation where the conflict had arisen before and ask yourself the following questions: How is it different? Is it more comfortable, resourceful and useful? Refer to lines 29 to 30 of the script.

Adapted from: Collingwood, J., & Collingwood, C. (2001). The NLP Field Guide. Double Bay, NSW: Emergent Publications.

Transcript

The transcript begins as a normal coaching session with the coach working towards establishing rapport with the client through matching voice and body movements.

Coach: Hello (name), welcome to your first coaching session. What brings you to my office today?

Client: Well, I’m just so frustrated with work at the moment.

Coach: Mm-hmm.

Client: I’m just sick of having to go to work… I just got back from holidays and it was great not to have to worry about anything and just have a great time.

Coach: So, you feeling frustrated with work and you’d rather be on holidays.

Client: Yes, that’s correct.

Coach: I’d like to do an activity with you to look at the situation at hand. Would that be ok with you?

Client: Yes that’s fine.

STEP 1

Coach: Let’s get started. Firstly I want you to externalise each part- one for work and one for leisure. I would like you to imagine the parts outside of your body as a representation.

Client: (Imagining that one side they see the word “work” and on the other side “leisure”).

Coach: How did you go with that?

Client: (using hands to explain the process) Great, I am visualising the word “work” on my left side and “leisure” to my right.

STEP 2

Coach: Now what I’d like you to do is to assume each part- work and leisure- has a positive intention. It is important for each intention to be positive so that we can move forwards. State each intention out loud for me.

Client: Ok… The intention for work is to pay my bills. The intention for holidays is to have fun.

STEP 3

Coach: Great… Let’s look at the intention of work for a moment… to pay your bills. What is the intent of paying your bills?

Client: So that I can afford to live comfortably and take holidays.

Coach: And what is the intent of you being able to live comfortably and take holidays?

Client: To make me happy.

Coach: Let us take a look at your holiday intent… What is the intent of having fun?

Client: I guess it is to make me happy also.

STEP 4

Coach: Excellent, so both underlying intents are to make you happy! Now for each part, ask them if they would like to integrate with one another or whether you would like them to work separately in mutual cooperation.

Client: They would like to integrate to become one.

STEP 5

Coach: Ok, now what I want to do to is ask yourself how you feel about the two parts becoming one. Are there any concerns or objections that you might have?

Client: (thinking) No, I am ok with that.

STEP 6

Coach: Now I would like you to visualise these two parts coming together in front of you.

Client: (thinking)

STEP 7

Coach: (pause whilst client is thinking) Once you have done that, I want you to visualise bringing this one super part back into your body spreading throughout your personal and physical space.

Client: (thinking)

STEP 8

Coach: (pause whilst client is thinking) I want to take you back to the thought of preferring to be on holidays and not going to work. How do you feel now?

Client: I feel ok with going to work because that will lead to my happiness.

References

• Collingwood, J., & Collingwood, C. (2001). The NLP Field Guide. Double Bay, NSW: Emergent Publications.

Source: www.counsellingacademy.com.au

Your client approaches you with the following question: “I’ve just been promoted but I don’t have a clue how to manage people. How do I start to do learn what I need to do?” Master Coach Terry Neal answers…

In this situation your client may have come to you with a feeling of panic or at the very least feeling “ill at ease” with the thought of being a manager of people. They may have never been in a working situation where they had to interact constantly with their fellow employees face to face (for example, they may have been an “on the road” representative for a company visiting and staying in contact with their customers sometimes face-to-face, but mostly over the phone and/or via email).

They may also have been working in the same office each day and have gone from being one of the staff to being the manager for a section of the company. Also, they may have come from an entirely different organisation to work for this new company and this is a promotion for them.

Whatever direction they’ve come from, it would be useful for the coach to know this background information in order to assess the client’s current knowledge and skillset against their needs.

Exercises

A suggestion is to start by helping the client to determine the details of their role in this management position. Ask them to describe their new role in as much detail as possible. Through your questioning and summarising you can help your client first to have a clear picture of their new role within the company.

You could also ask if they’ve had any management experience in any area they were involved in the past, whether in business or otherwise e.g. community organisations, sporting clubs and so forth. This could help tease out where they may have utilised management skills before - and what they could transfer to their current position.

Then you could ask questions such as pertaining to the number of people they have to manage and their individual details (their names, location, working area within the organisation, networks or communication circles they belong to within the workplace, experience levels, time working in the company and so forth). This allows your client to assess how well they know the people they are now being asked to manage and where the gaps are in this knowledge.

From this information gathering from questions about themselves and the people they will be managing, you could suggest that they set up a meeting with these people ideally individually as soon as possible.

Now this may or may not be logistically easy but remind your client that they need to give these people an opportunity to meet with you face-to-face to talk about their new working relationship and to get to know each other for the first time in some cases.

To assist your client to understand how this initial meeting could be structured, ask your client to imagine themselves as an employee who is going to be introduced to their manager for the first time. Ask your client to consider such questions as: What would you like your manager to ask you as an employee? What types of things would you like to say to your manager? How would you like your manager to act towards you? Where do you think such a meeting should take place?

So as their coach, you have started to assist them in a number of ways. You have:

1. Helped them to identify questions that could be asked as well as reminding them to allow time for each employee to talk about what they feel they need to talk with you about. This could be done by asking the question: Is there anything that you’d like to talk about with me?
2. Identified appropriate time and venue for such meetings.
3. Initiated a process of building up confidence in your client through suggesting some concrete steps as well as helping them to be aware of skills and abilities that they may have already developed, which they had not been aware of or which they hadn’t thought they could transfer to this new situation.
4. Reminded your client that both they and the people whom they are now managing will possibly take some time to feel comfortable enough to talk openly and honestly with each other. The relationship here will take time to develop.

Having worked with your client to create a ‘first meeting’ plan, encourage them once again to set up these meetings with staff on a one-to-one basis. Other meetings may have to be in groups due to the numbers of staff but if this one can be individual, it could potentially provide your client with much more relevant information about the group they’re managing as a whole.

Over time you may need to be a sounding board for your client to help them assess their progress in their techniques of managing people and to suggest some next steps in their learning. For example, you could suggest that they contact someone who your client knows, who’s been in a management role and who is willing to be a support person for your client; in other words a mentor.

You could also suggest networking with other managers in similar fields of work, management courses, management journals, seminars and informal gatherings of those who are in a similar role to your client. There are loads of useful articles and information readily accessible over the web.

Through activities suggested above, over time your client will potentially begin to feel more confident and skilled in the management of people.