“A narrative or story is anything told or recounted; more narrowly, something told or recounted in the form of a causally-linked set of events; account; tale, the telling of a happening or connected series of happenings, whether true or fictitious” (Denning, 2006).

Your life is a narrative, counted and recounted from many different perspectives, and by diverse people. There are settings, themes, characters and plots - just like in any movie, book, historical account or legendary fable.

In this article we review the approach of Narrative Therapy and how it can be effectively used by coaches to assist individuals improve their lives.

Fundamentals of Narrative Therapy

The Narrative Therapy is an approach to coaching that centres people as the experts in their own lives. This approach intends to view problems as separate entities to people, assuming that the individual’s set of skills, experience and mindset will assist him/her reduce the influence of problems throughout life. This approach intends to place the individual in both the protagonist and author roles: switching the view from a narrow perspective to a systemic and more flexible stance.

Systemic and flexible stance? Yes. The aim is to help coachees realise what forces are influencing their lives and to focus on the positive aspects of the ‘play’. In many events of our lives, we tend to focus on particular things and ignore others. Analysing our lives as a play, or a system, helps us understand the different forces and roles that are influencing our behaviour. This in turn gives us flexibility to invoke the necessary changes for improvement.

“The products of our narrative schemes are ubiquitous in our lives: they fill our cultural and social environment. We create narrative descriptions for ourselves and for others about our own past actions, and we develop storied accounts that give sense to the behavior of others. We also use the narrative scheme to inform our decisions by constructing imaginative “what if” scenarios. On the receiving end, we are constantly confronted with stories during our conversations and encounters with the written and visual media. We are told fairy tales as children, and read and discuss stories at school.” (Polkinghorne, 1988)

Merging a familiar set of events (one’s life) to a familiar structure (a narrative story) is a useful strategy. The emotional, cognitive and spiritual perspectives of a person are usually combined in order to derive meaning to an event. In many instances, one or two perspectives will prevail over the other(s), and this will depend upon the particular scenario and the individual’s personality traits.

As an example, we can compare the perspective of two people who have different levels of emotional intelligence. According to Coleman (1998) “intellectual and emotional intelligence express the activity of different parts of the brain. The intellect is based solely on the workings of the neocortex, the more recently evolved layers at the top of the brain. The emotional centers are lower in the brain, in the more ancient subcortex.” Thus, individuals that are more ‘emotionally intelligent’ will draw different conclusions, and behave differently in certain situations.

This is only an example of possible disparities in perception and decision-making. It is the protagonist responding to the setting, the characters, the theme and plot.

Techniques and Objectives*

Step 1: Name the problem and ask externalising questions

Coaches working from a narrative perspective are attuned to the language they use to represent an issue or problem in their coachees’ lives. They assume that the issue or problem is “having an effect on the person” rather than the issue or problem being an intrinsic part of who the person is.

Step 2: Map the effects of the problem

Mapping the effects of the problem on the person is a narrative process that invites coachees to examine the influence of the problem across various life dimensions.

Step 3: Ask deconstructing questions

Deconstructing questions are designed to assist the coachee in challenging some of the discourses, assumptions or collective values that may be sustaining or supporting the problem story.

Step 4: Re-storying

Identifying unique events that stand apart from the problem story begins the process of re-storying. Coaches who are new to the narrative approach often attest that it is easier to find a unique outcome from the client’s distant history, rather than from their immediate past.

Step 5: Name the alternative story and thickening its plot

To assist the coachee in naming the alternative story, the coach can approach the naming of the alternative story in the same way he or she approached the naming of the problem story - by offering tentative suggestions and using the words that coachees have used in their descriptions of unique outcomes.

A number of guiding assumptions underlies narrative practice. These assumptions are listed below and provide an important overview for the advanced study of narrative concepts.

Assumptions that underlie narrative ways of working:

• The problem is the problem (the person is not the problem).
• People have expertise on their own lives.
• People can become the primary authors of the stories of their own lives.
• By the time a person consults a professional, they will have already made many attempts to reduce the influence of the problem in their lives and relationships.
• Problems are constructed in cultural contexts. These contexts include power relations of race, class, sexual orientation, gender and disadvantage.
• The problems for which people seek consultation usually cause them to reach thin conclusions about their lives and relationships. Often these conclusions have encouraged them to consider themselves as deficient in some way and this makes it difficult for them to access their knowledge, competencies, skills and abilities.
• These skills, competencies and knowledge can be made available to them to assist with reclaiming their lives from the influence of the problem for which they seek help.
• There are always occasions in people’s life upon which they have escaped a problem’s influence. Problems never successfully claim 100% of people’s lives or relationships.
• Ensuring an atmosphere of curiosity, respect and transparency is the responsibility of the professional.

*Source: Morgan, A. (2000). What is narrative therapy? An easy-to-read introduction. Adelaide: Dulwich Centre, pp. 129 - 130.

The Leading Role

The most important aspect of Narrative Coaching is to empower the client. Placing the coachee as an expert, and understanding his/her story instead of attempting to predict it, indicates the coach’s mindset. The idea is to emphasise the coaching relationship. This standpoint encompasses many of the important aspects of good interpersonal communication, such as: demonstration of care, interest, respectful curiosity, openness, empathy, and fascination.

Once this collaborative relationship has been established, the coach and the coachee can move forward and work on how to improve the outcomes of the narrative:

“Once upon a time… there was an optimistic, content and productive person…”

“If the only prayer you said in your life was “thank you,” that would suffice.” ~ Meister Eckhart

Gratitude, such a simple word but one rarely used appropriately. It can be one of the most challenging things to do or say. Why is that? Consider for a moment how often you use the word and mean it, not just as a habit, when someone does something for you. How often do you pause and reflect on all the wonderful things you have in your life that you are thankful for?

Gratitude is an appreciation of what you have and being thankful for all of it. But it is so much more than that - it is an attitude toward life. This attitude is the blueprint for your life. A life devoid of thankfulness is a life devoid of love and passion. Without it, nothing new can enter your life. If you don’t appreciate what you have, how can you receive anything more?

What does this all mean? It means that whatever you are waiting for (abundance, happiness, contentment, success), will come to you only when you are ready to receive it with an open and grateful heart. 

Only then can you truly experience the gift you have been given. Even in pain and suffering, there are lessons to learn if you are open and grateful for the experience. That is why some of the most profound lessons have come in times of suffering. Nelson Mandela said, “There is no easy walk to freedom anywhere, and many of us will have to pass through the valley of the shadow of death again and again before we reach the mountaintop of our desires.”

Being grateful reminds all to focus on what is good in your life. Too many times, the focus is on what you don’t have which creates feelings of resentment and bitterness. Life is never as bad as it seems. It is all about your perception.  It is your attitude that created the environment you have. Hence, focus on the good in your life and what you want to create and you shall receive, as the Law of Attraction states.

Use Positive Language

Don’t use words like ‘but’, ‘at least’, ‘in the future’. (For example, “I am happy but…”  “At least I have my health”). These suggest a superficial form of gratitude. You know you should be content but it’s not enough. You temporarily feel grateful but your attitude is artificial because you want more.  

There is nothing wrong with wanting more but your attitude determines your sincerity.  Instead use statements like “I am grateful for this experience that has come into my life. It has been the catalyst for change.”

Say It Like You Mean It

You just can’t say the words. You have to mean what you say, feel it and believe it. “I am grateful for this experience, I’ve learnt so much.” You can’t say this and then turn around and say, “Why is this happening to me, I don’t deserve this.” This implies that you are not grateful and don’t believe what you are saying. You are just saying it for the sake of it.  At first you may not believe the statement but if you repeat it often enough you will eventually come to mean it and understand it.

Do It with Actions

Back up your words with actions. If you are grateful for having the experience, don’t harp on the negatives - learn your lesson and move on. If the same experience keeps repeating itself you are not learning your lesson. You are focusing only on the negatives and you are not choosing to see the positives. There are always positives in any situation. It is up to you to find them.

Use Gratitude Every Day

Every morning when you wake up, be grateful that you are seeing another day as there are many people who won’t. This simple ritual will change your attitude each day and transform your life. 

One of the great truths is that life itself is a gift. Being grateful for this existence and this experience is independent of situations and circumstances. You choose this attitude towards your life. As your practice this more and more, it becomes part of your reality and it encompasses all that you do. As you move towards ‘being’ grateful all the time you activate the Law of Attraction because it becomes a part of you and you will attract circumstances you want. 

As John F. Kennedy said, “As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.”

Author: Anna Cairo

Many of us have limiting beliefs about ourselves and our capabilities. They lurk there, in the dark crannies of our minds, just waiting to sabotage some of our best efforts.

How many times do we have success after success, until WHAM, something happens in our mental processes which then prevents us moving in that same direction. The next step is often to give up. It seems that no matter how hard I try, something is blocking me, and preventing me from getting what I want in my life.

Of course, some times this happens because my goal setting is not clear and precise. I might have goals that are dependent on another person, or other factors over which I have no control.

Sometimes it might be because unconsciously I find my present situation more congenial than the possible impending changes that are potentially just over the horizon. What is fairly predictable is that if I think I can’t do something, then I can’t.

The person who says I can and the person who says I can’t are both right. Whatever I think about myself, I will find there is evidence to support it.

Exploring Beliefs

Typically, beliefs are in place before the behaviour occurs. A person is going to believe that he or she can do something before he or she actually goes to do it. Commitment occurs, and then the brain goes through the feedback mechanisms to guide behaviour into the activity.

Beliefs are only a map. They are only a partial representation of the territory. Therefore, a well-formed belief is not going to be based on the statistics available to support it, rather on primarily one factor: how well it serves the individual.

Our beliefs are very powerful, helping us to get a sense of certainty and direction in an unpredictable world. They are so powerful, in fact, that we sometimes don’t remember that they’re not necessarily ‘true’.

At some point in our lives our beliefs might have been useful. However, many beliefs are context dependent. When the context changes, they can become limiting beliefs. “Crossing the road is too dangerous” was a useful belief when I was a small child. However, now I am an adult, I need to modify that belief, or ditch it altogether. It is not useful for me, as an adult, to be stuck on the side of the road, unable to cross because of a belief I had instilled into me as a child.

As coaches, we meet limiting beliefs in many people, even ourselves! One way forward is to use a question from the NLP skill-set: “How do you know that?” Or “How do I know that?”

This will help to discover there is good evidence for maintaining the belief, or not enough evidence to make it worthwhile sustaining it.

If I find beliefs that are no longer useful, then it is good practice to change them or replace them with some beliefs that will strengthen me. Like goals, it is most useful to write them down, and write them down in a positive way.

I once had a mentor who taught me ‘fake it until you make it’. Milton Erickson, an extraordinary communicator and therapist, used to say “You can pretend anything and master it.”

So the next step is to act as if the new positive belief is true. Take courage as you explore (and change?) your limiting beliefs!

Author: Rick Bowie

How often have you heard yourself or others commenting, or even complaining, “I spend all my time in meetings and there’s never enough time to do what I agreed to do in the meeting?” Meetings are a necessary part of our professional lives. They’re not going away, but we can learn to manage them better. Below are just some of the many tips I discuss with leaders who are looking for solutions to running more effective meetings.

Is there a real purpose to the meeting?

Yes, meetings are one of the most effective ways of sharing information and organising actions. However, not all meeting organisers are that clear about their purpose for the meeting and what the measure outcomes need to be. Start here, examine what’s required and then determine if a meeting is the best way of achieving it.

In some cases, a series of phone calls and face-to-face conversations with individual stakeholders may be the best approach versus hosting a meeting of numerous stakeholders. Understand the primary purpose of the meeting, and although there may be secondary purposes, try not to cram too much into a single agenda.

Chances are you won’t get through it all, and then the feelings of ineffectiveness may continue or worse, increase. Simplicity and clarity of purpose are critical.

Have you included the necessary stakeholders and what do each of them want to achieve?

You may be clear about what you want to achieve with the meeting, but what about the other stakeholders? Everyone will be coming to the meeting with a different “framework” or perspective and needs they’re operating from. Sometimes we refer to this as the individual’s agenda. It may be helpful to be clear about who needs to be there based on their needs and who needs to be there based on the project or purpose needs overall.

As you consider each person to invite, it may be helpful to contact them personally and discuss the purpose of the meeting from yours and their perspective, and then agree about their attendance or how you’ll update them of the appropriate outcomes if they don’t attend. As the meeting organiser, this is ultimately your responsibility, even if you delegate someone else to various tasks associated with it.

What is the accountability to the outcomes of the meeting?

Is there an agenda prepared in advance? Do the participants know what to prepare for, what to expect to be discussed, and what decisions they will be asked to make? Meetings need outcomes, and the best outcomes are those that are measurable. Who is going to do what, when, why is this important, and what are the ramifications if it’s not completed within the required (or promised) specifications or timeline?

Time and time again we see recurring meetings where particular stakeholders advise that they haven’t completed their commitments from the last meeting. Be clear about how you want to handle these situations both privately with the individual and publicly within the subsequent meetings.

Also within this point is being clear about how you’ll manage the situation where key stakeholders advise at the last minute they can’t make the meeting due to other priorities. It can be quite easy for some to simply not be reliable to attend meetings, which can greatly reduce the effectiveness of the event. These situations may involve one-on-one conversations with the individual around the topics of commitment, priority, responsibility and buy-in to the process (the “what’s in it for me?” conversation).

What could you accomplish if the meeting was scheduled for half the time?

When planning your meeting for an hour, imagine what you would have to do differently to achieve the same results if you only had half an hour. What different behaviours would you demonstrate before the meeting in terms of briefing the participants and preparing them for the event? What would you do differently facilitating the meeting? And what follow-through behaviours would you put into practice afterward to ensure the outcomes and commitments are being met?

Now consider that those behaviours for the half-hour meeting may also be suitable for the hour meeting to be more effective. Give it a try even if you have all the time in the world. The other participants who have tighter schedules than you may thank you for it.

Are you using technology effectively and for the right reasons?

Most of us have heard the term, “Death by PowerPoint”. Do you engage in this meeting killer practice? If so, you may wish to consider seeking out a coach or trainer to assist with presentation effectiveness skills. Do you use phone and web conferencing effectively? If the technology isn’t up to scratch, and/or the quality of the connection is poor, these technology issues become a distraction for the facilitator and the participants and makes it extremely difficult to focus on the purpose of the meeting.

Consider running mock events to test the technology, and then improve the system, before using it on the real participants. Also consider that not all of your participants may be as comfortable with technology as you are. Be sure to spend the time to get the individuals comfortable with the use of the system before throwing them into the meeting. Otherwise, those individuals may be more focused on their frustration with technology and therefore not fully “present” to participate.

Is there an effective leader, facilitating the meeting? Maybe someone not emotionally linked with the outcome? Maybe rotate the chair?

Some leaders are great visionaries, but not necessarily great organisers. If this is you, are you willing to relinquish the chairing of the meeting, and instead provide the opening vision? Is there an experienced and successful meeting facilitator within your team that you can hand this crucial role over to? You are not losing face in taking this opportunity, but instead may be inspiring others to do the same for their own meetings. Outsource the organisation to the most qualified. You may also wish to consider rotating the chair of the meeting so that the entire team can learn these effectiveness skills. At the end of the day, you’ll never be short of effective meeting leaders.

Are you asking for commitments and timeframes? What about the 24 hour rule?

One of the biggest shortcomings we find in meetings is the lack of commitments being documented and then followed through and measured at the next meeting. Each participant, and at the very least the chair of the meeting, needs to have the authority to challenge the stakeholders to make real commitments with real timeframes attached.

The “24 hour rule” is that for when agreeing to a course of action for an objective, if the individual commits to and accomplishes the first task within 24 hours, they will then double their chance of success at the overall objective, as compared to those who don’t commit to something in that timeframe will then reduce their overall chances of success.

Consider this exercise: Schedule a one hour meeting, but you know you only need half an hour. When the agenda is worked through in 30 minutes, advise the participants that the remainder 30 minutes they had scheduled for this meeting is now to be dedicated to accomplishing the first step(s) of the commitments they’ve made today. Everyone leaves the meeting and immediately takes action.

How do you manage excuses and “problems” and keep the group solution and action focused?

We’ve all experienced meetings that seemed to be more of a whine session than an effective meeting. In rare instances, that may even be the purpose of the meeting. But the majority of times, there is a real opportunity to move past the excuses and get solution focused. There are two primary ways of addressing this:

At a group level, you can set the solution-focused expectation and demonstrate the necessary behaviours to challenge excuses, ask for options and gain commitments to action. As excuses pop up, challenge the team equally with the individual to come up with a solution. You have a choice of calling the individual up on their excuses-focused behaviour in the presence of the group or not. Depending on the environment and culture of the group, either choice can be an effective strategy.

At an individual level, you can privately challenge and coach individuals who are not demonstrating effective behaviours. Sometimes it’s about an attitude shift from seeing “problems” to seeing “opportunities.” If you don’t feel you have the necessary skills to coach someone around this concept, who can you engage to assist? The foundation for this must be the intent to support the individual to grow versus a performance management framework.

Get yourself invited to a meeting run by someone known for their effectiveness and learn from them.

There are experts all around us. Are you utilising their knowledge and skills effectively? Not every leadership skill has a classroom solution to it. Sometimes we need to explore who’s great at something, and then be open and brave enough to ask for their assistance and mentoring, even if that person is at a lower position in the organisation than you are. You set a great example to others by doing this, and in many cases you are extending a great compliment to the person with the skills you wish to learn from, by recognising their strengths and expertise.

What change would occur if you removed all the chairs from the meeting room?

The Japanese have learnt a great lesson in facilitating meetings in rooms without chairs. Everyone must stand up and get through the agenda in record time. If the meeting is dragging out, the physical discomfort the participants go through may encourage them to advance the course of the meeting. There are pros and cons to this approach as you can imagine, but do you also see how there may be parts of this style that might provide benefit to some of your meetings? Is it worth a try?

Author: Noel Posus

Life coaches are equipped with a unique combination of Technical and Soft skills. While technical skills are mostly reserved for professional activities and tend to be learned for specific purposes, soft skills are the personal qualities that individuals pose that is often inherent to their character. To be successful and enjoy what you do it’s a good idea to ensure your soft skills match the requirements of the roles that you take on.

So what does it take to be a successful life coach and enjoy everything that you do? To start with, it takes a great deal of responsibility. It takes training, self-confidence and devotion; and at the very heart of all this is a set of personal qualities that are detailed below:

Compassion/Empathy

When interacting with others and being a part of their journey of self discovery and exploration, compassion and empathy are integral skills that a coach needs to relate with their clients. The ability to genuinely express an awareness and understanding of what your client wants is an essential key to a fruitful coaching relationship based on trust and respect.

Good Communication

Miscommunication is rampant in society, especially in multicultural nations, so the ability to clearly communicate and relate to a wide array of individuals is an extremely important quality to posses as a Life Coach.

A good communicator and life coach should know when, how and where to deliver a message, and when, how and where to listen to get the most out of their interactions with others.

Respect for Others

We believe this one ties in closely with being able to show compassion and empathy. It also ties in nicely with ensuring your communication is on par with the person you are communicating too but it is definitely a quality worth highlighting as once you have acquired respect for a client, you will have a heightened ability to materialize your client’s potential. Respect will allow for more effective communication, increase your client’s confidence and ultimately to motivate both you and your client to achieve greater successes.

Determination/Consistency

A strength and determination to keep going and keep trying. If a coach is to be truly successful they can’t believe in failure, as there really is no such thing as failure, if something doesn’t work try going about it another way. Never give up and never give in. This quality will serve both you and your clients well.

Non-Judgemental Behaviour

Everyone has a tendency to be judgemental to a certain extent. There would be very few people in the world that could genuinely claim that they do not judge others, but if you have the ability to leave your judgements at the door and respect that everyone has their own unique view of the world you will have far greater successes with your clients.

Motivation/Passion

This is the fuel that drives a coaching career. Successful life coaches are motivated, ‘can do’ people - they visualise ways to improve themselves and others and set a course of action to achieve results. It’s an attitude that a coach needs to keep on top of and to inspire motivational sparks in their clients.

Vision

Being able to visualise a dream is quite special. People find a great deal of motivation in the moments that they are able to visualise themselves in a desirable situation. So the ability to visualise your desires and the desires of others is an extremely important quality to pose.