Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) is a popular theory used in coaching. It focuses on how people perceive and make meaning of their world and works with perceptions to help people understand and make changes to the way they perceive their world.

Here we will focus on how we process information to create such perceptions. James & Woodsmall (1988) proposed the following:

“After the external event comes in through our sensory input channels, and before we make an Internal Representation (IR) of the event, we filter the event. We run that event through our internal processing filters. Our internal processing filters are how we delete, distort and generalize the information that comes in through our five senses.”

Deletion involves the process of selectively paying attention to specific aspects of an experience (James & Woodsmall, 1988). Through deletion we fail to notice particular sensory information.

For example, Ben’s sister is picking him up from a concert. He is looking out intently for her car which he knows is a bright red hatchback. Because he is so focused on seeing a small red car, he fails to hear his sister calling him from a blue sedan (which she had borrowed from a friend).

As you can see from the example, Ben is so focused on the visual aspect of his experience (see a red car) that he fails to notice (or deletes) the auditory aspect of his experience (his sister calling him).

Distortion occurs when we misrepresent the sensory data received. For example, Juanita thought she heard rain falling. She ran out to take her washing off the line only to discover that it wasn’t rain at all - it was the sound of the neighbour’s air conditioning starting up. This is an example of auditory distortion where Juanita thought she heard one thing when in fact it was something completely different. 

Generalisation is the process of making a judgement based on a limited number of experiences and attributing that judgement to a broad array of experiences (James & Woodsmall, 1988).

For example, Tyson and Nicky are looking to rent a new home. They visit their local real estate agent. Tyson feels as though this particular agent is only interested in working with people who are seeking to purchase a home, rather than rent one.

Nicky later overhears Tyson say to a friend, “real estate agents are all the same. They only want your business if you’re buying!” As you can see from this example, Tyson has had one experience with one real estate agent and generalises this to all real estate agents.

Filters

Filtering of the information occurs before an internal representation of an event is made. James & Woodsmall (1988) list six examples of filters we use to delete, distort and generalise information.

Metaprograms are one type of filter and they are styles of thinking (or mental programs) that operate like filters across many contexts of an individual’s life. For example, the metaprogram General vs. Specific characterises whether a person processes information by focusing on the details or on the broader picture.

Other metaprograms include: Frame of Reference (external vs. internal, or in other words, whether you assess your performance based on your own internal standards or through the feedback you receive from others) and Option vs. Procedures (also described as whether you like to look for new ways of doing things or prefer to stick with established procedures).

Sub Modalities

Sub modalities are the descriptive qualities that are directly linked to a sensory channel. For example - linked to the visual sensory channel are the sub modalities of colour, size, shape and distance.

This means that when I look at something I can assess it based on these features. Alternatively, when I hear something, I can assess its volume and tone. Therefore, volume and tone are examples of sub modalities of the auditory channel.

© Counselling Academy

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References

• James, T., & Woodsmall, W. (1988). Time Line Therapy and the Basis of Personality. Capitola: Meta Publications.

By Emmanuel Tsesmelis 

If you are living a life where you are not fulfilled, where you haven’t achieved the success you desire and your life just seems to be more difficult than it should be, read on and discover the secrets I found out when I interviewed some of Australia’s most successful self-made millionaires.

For years I had noticed that the most successful people in the world have something ’special’; they seem to have an ‘edge’. What was it that they knew, what was it that they had that seemed to lead them to create a life of wealth, success and happiness - a life so many of us dream of.

The curiosity of what they had, what they knew, got the better of me and I became driven to speak with and interview these ’successful’ people to discover the secrets to their success.

As I interviewed the owners of Boost Juice (Janine Allis), Fernwood Women’s Health Club (Diana Williams), La Porchetta (Rocco Pantaleo), kikki.K (Kristina Karlsson) and so many others, a common theme began to appear, their secrets were revealed.

They had all gone through 5 key areas to achieve their incredible wealth, a life with passion and the life they have always dreamed of.

I think we all know that we have been put on this planet to live our dreams and to touch other people in a positive way. You know, to truly leave the world a better place, yet so many of us are living a far more desperate life than that, a life that just isn’t true for us.

Well let me tell you that these self-made millionaires discovered the secret to making their dreams a reality and that’s what I am about to share with you. These are the 5 Key steps all the self-made millionaires have followed:

Discover It - They have all discovered what they are passionate about and have gone on to find a way to use and express that passion to contribute to other people’s lives.

So, have you asked yourself what you would truly love to do, what you are passionate about? We all have a unique way we can touch the world and your way is inside you right now!

When you work with your passion, it never seems to be work. You love everything about it and you want to spread it to the rest of the world. I believe that that’s why we are here and the self-made millionaires have discovered this secret. They know what they love to do and by developing a commercial way to pass that on to others, they have all become multimillionaires.

And this is a big key; not one of them focused on what’s in it for them. Their main focus was on what they provide to others, how they contribute to their customer’s lives through their passion. So I ask you; what have you got within that you would like to share with others?

Believe It - They have truly connected and bonded with their passion and their dreams. They have fused with it, become one with it and totally believe in it. From that place, they have the courage to express to the whole world who they are and what they stand for with no shame, embarrassment or guilt but rather with total pride, commitment and drive. With this driving force they never take no for an answer and continually strive forward in making their dreams even bigger.

This is such an awesome quality they all possess. They know what they stand for and they are proud to express it to anyone and everyone. Of course this allows them to effortlessly flow in life which in turn leads to their incredible success.

Try it and see what happens. People, new people and opportunities will be drawn to you because now you finally have an image, you are someone, someone that stands for what they believe in and who they truly are.

Overcome It - I know we see these people as fearless, as totally comfortable being leaders but I can tell you after interviewing them that they are exactly like you and I. They feel fear, they have self doubt but what they don’t do is allow their fear to stop them living the life they dream of. They all have come up with ways to overcome their fears or at least a strategy to overcome the damage their fears could cause in their lives.

We all know that the only thing that stops anyone from following their dreams is FEAR. How sad, that we let this emotion control so many of our actions. If you give in to your fears you will notice that life is quite monotonous, uninspiring and without real success. Come up with your own strategy to overcome fear and use it, use it, use it.

The more practice you get overcoming your fear, the easier it becomes to take the actions you need to take to live the life you dream of!

Change It - We all have deep limiting, negative, dream destroying beliefs within us. Yes, even these self-made millionaires. But again, the difference with these people is that firstly, they have identified those thoughts, those beliefs and then have chosen to believe new empowering beliefs that serve, nurture and challenge them to achieve their dreams.

Growing up we all create limiting dream-destroying beliefs. Have a little think about where you hold yourself back and notice what you are saying to yourself at that time. I bet you it is not positive, or even the truth. So why don’t you change these dream destroying beliefs; look inside and see the truth, see your truth.

Start believing what is really within you and not the rubbish you picked up growing up. As an adult now, you can choose to believe whatever you want. Might as well create beliefs that will support you in making your dreams a reality, don’t you think?

Live It - It doesn’t matter how much you know, if you don’t put it into action your life won’t change. The results you want to show up in your life will never appear.

These self-made millionaires do not over think things. They listen to their gut, to their intuition and go, go, go. That is one of the biggest keys to their success. You will never ever get everything right but if you get it going you will always work a way through to achieving your goal.

The key in taking action is to start realising that your comfort zone is the dead zone. Nothing new happens there, no new experiences, no growth and no opportunities. If you truly want to live the life you dream of, you must keep growing your comfort zone. All the self-made millionaires get out of their comfort zone as soon as they feel comfortable. They truly see it as the ‘Dead Zone’.

So there you have it. The five Keys to living with passion and making your dreams come true. Spend some time going through these key steps to get your own answers and then take action, single small steps to creating the life you deserve, the life you dream of! The reality is, that when you live with passion you enjoy the journey so much that success is inevitable. Now, go for it!

About the Author

Emmanuel Tsesmelis is Australia’s Number 1 Passion Coach who believes that inside every single one of us live passions, natural talents and unique gifts that, if tapped into, compel us to create the life we have dreamed of.

Emmanuel’s Website: www.mypassioncoach.com
Hear Emmanuel Tsesmelis @ Coach Radio!

Counselling Connection, the official Blog of the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors, is filled with great content to optimise your life.

Their ‘Life Coping Skills’ category showcases skills, techniques, strategies and activities developed by professionals to assist individuals in coping with a range of challenging situations in life.

Such situations include daily stress, changes, loss of a loved one, relationship problems, and much more. Post-series approach each topic with a comprehensive display of information, and some skills and techniques can also be used in coaching sessions to assist clients.

To access some of these post series, visit www.counsellingconnection.com or follow the links below:

• Coping with Stress in Every Day Life
• Coping with Violence
• Coping with Workplace Harassment
• Coping with Transitions in Life
• Coping with the Death of a Loved One
• Coping with Infidelity

John started his business a few months ago and has been extremely busy since. He approaches with the following question: “I’m so busy at the moment. How do I start to get more balance in my life again?” As the coach, what can you suggest to this client?

Terry Neal, LCI Master Coach, answers…

The desire by a client to get their life into balance can come from a realisation that they are feeling tired, irritable and/or on edge a good deal of the time. 

It could also be because they have started to notice that they’re not being part of activities that they have done in the past with family and friends that they used to do regularly or because they feel that they don’t have enough time to do what they enjoy doing for themselves by themselves.

It could be simply that some aspect of what they do whether its work or otherwise related, has become the predominant aspect of their life (in this case, John’s business start-up) and they’d like to change this. However, whatever the reason is for this client coming to you, one positive feature is that they have recognised their situation and hopefully will be more easily motivated to change it.

Questions and Exercises

As the coach here I suggest you start by asking your client some questions that will help both of you to be clear about what your client sees as the problem at this time and how your client views their possible “balanced lifestyle”.

Questions like: “What do you want that you don’t seem to be able to achieve?” “What kind of person would you be if you had a more balanced life?” “What would you be doing if you were living the life that you wanted to live?” Your client’s answers to these and other questions will give you both a clearer picture of what a ‘balanced lifestyle’ means for your client.

You could then follow up with questions like: “What prevents you from having this balanced life?” “Do you really want to change your life to become more balanced?”

If the response to the second question here is YES then an activity you could do with your client is the Absolute Yes List. This involves asking your client to list activities that they currently feel they need to do on a regular basis, then deciding what activities they feel are really important to them and then to note which of your client’s current activities are not considered important and which can either be stopped, or have the amount of time allocated to them reduced.

The exercise itself involves asking your client to sit comfortably with a note book and initially to write down their responses to the following questions: “What activities that I do now are important for me to do on an ongoing regular basis?” Encourage them to write and not judge whatever they feel is important at this time.

Next ask your client: “What activities need my attention at this time in my life?” “What activities do I used to do and now haven’t done for a while?” Once again encourage them to not judge what they write down. Also ask them to consider as many different aspects of their life as they can - areas like relationships, work, community, hobbies and so forth - and to write down whatever comes up.

Once they have finished this list, ask them to nominate the top 5 activities that they feel they would like to put their energy into on a regular basis. If 5 feel too confining, they could list 10 but I suggest that this needs to be the upper limit. This list could be a mixture of those that they feel they ‘need’ to do on a regular basis and those that they feel they would like to devote time to again.

The point here is that while there will probably be some areas that your client will feel that they will still need to devote much time to, for example their career, there could be others that have not had any prominence before and now potentially will be given a higher priority by your client in their daily or weekly routine.

You could encourage your client to write out these top 5 activities on small pieces of paper and to place them in strategic positions around their home, their work area, in their car or wherever they spend amounts of time. This is because the more times they see and read them, the more likely they’ll say yes to these activities and no to a request from either someone else or even from themselves to do an activity that’s not on this list.

Conclusion

Encourage them to review this Absolute Yes List every 3 to 6 months and to note how they feel about this list of chosen activities. They could ask the questions: Is my life more in balance? Am I holding to my list of absolute yes? Do I need to amend this list?

This review will help your client to decide if a change of activities is required or if this same list can continued to be worked with until the next review time.

This coaching case study, along with many others, is available from Coaching Club’s article category ”Case Studies”.  To access these cases, start your 30-day free trial at www.coachingclub.com.au.

“If you’re in a bad situation, don’t worry it’ll change. If you’re in a good situation, don’t worry it’ll change” (John A. Simone, Sr.)

A client started working with you a couple of years ago. She was dissatisfied with her current life; in particular with time management and procrastination-related issues in her professional career. After 24-months working diligently, she is experiencing great success in her career, and as a result she is extremely satisfied personally.

She has now decided to review her initial goals and ambitions, and in the last session she posed a common question: “what do I need to do to continue the success I have had in my life up to this point?”

Zahava Starak, LCI Master Coach, answers…

A very astute question. This client clearly realises that once you have succeeded in reaching your goals you are faced with a new set of challenges - that of maintaining your success. Before you begin tackling this concern, congratulate your client for a job well done and reinforce that their success is indicative of their abilities and drive and that whatever their next step is - they have the resources with which to address it.

Questions and Exercises

It now may be time for a life review to verify that the success attained and the life that comes with it is actually what your client wants. It is time for a reality check! This is accomplished by asking your client some powerful questions such as “Now that you are a success, are you living the life you want to?” “Is the kind of person that you are now, the person that you want to be?” and “Are you getting everything out of life that you want?”

The discussion generated by these questions will help your client to evaluate how they are generally experiencing their life - what is the overall “feel” of this success that they have achieved.

Next you can conduct an inventory that addresses all aspects of your client’s life to determine the levels of satisfaction in each. Simple questions such as “How do your family feel about your success?” and “What do you do for fun?’ can start a dialogue on the overall effects of your client’s success.
 
It is important to explore all facets of their life - including family (as already mentioned), other relationships, recreation, health and wellness and the spiritual. What you are determining is whether there has been a price to pay for this success and, if so, is this acceptable.

By the end of this process your client has a clear direction - either it is time to drastically change what they are doing - as the success they have is not what they want - or they have given their success a clean bill of health and want to maintain it and carry it further.

Success Strategies

Irregardless of  ‘what’ your client’s success looks like it - whether it relates to a new business venture, achievements in the field of academia or accomplishments in the sporting arena the steps you take next are relevant to any client wanting to continue along their successful path.

There are a number of procedures you can initiate to help your client maintain and build on their success. An obvious start may be to review the strategies that the client has used so far to help them achieve. It may be that some of these strategies were not that effective and can be eliminated all together, others may need some finetuning to upgrade performance, while others may be doing just fine.

For example if your client’s success is based on running a business they may find that the innovations they introduced to their product are perfect and need no adjustment. However it may be apparent that a marketing strategy they used was totally ineffective and so will no longer be used, while another promotional activity was so effective it will be upgraded to appeal to more diverse sectors in the population.

This reappraisal will not only affirm that all strategies are working at peak efficiency, they will assure your client that they are doing all the right things and thereby they will be further motivated to keep themselves travelling along this successful path.

It should probably be mentioned that when exploring strategies if it comes to light that certain people have played a key role in helping your client attain their success; your client can be encouraged to recognise their contribution, if they as yet have not done so. Positive reinforcement and attention can go a long way in reassuring repeat and heightened performances.

At this stage it is probably a good idea to also look at your client’s goals. It may be that your client may simply want to keep things going just as they are with a possible tweaking here and there. However it is also possible that success has inspired your client to focus on a new and greater vision.
 
In this case, a reality check will be required to ensure that your client is not blinded by their success before any action plans are implemented. Your client will be familiar with this next stage and if you have helped them in the past to attain their present success you will be able to accompany them as they undertake any new challenges.

While you are involved with your client in exploring both strategies and goals you can also be addressing another important aspect that reinforces their present success: professional development. A professional development plan will blend in with your client’s career path and can integrate the knowledge and skills your client has developed.

It will enable your client to look strategically at where they are now in relation to where they want to be and will help identify specific areas for ongoing professional development in order to maximise your client’s potential and ensure that they continue enjoying their present success.

In addition it will allow for more effective monitoring and reviewing of progress and this then leads into another activity your client can undertake to safeguard their present success: that of introducing significant milestone dates. This will permit them to regularly review their success indicators to assure that they are still on the right track.

By the time your client has reached this stage it is hoped they will be able to relax and enjoy their success with the assurance they have initiated all the appropriate strategies necessary to insure its continuation.

This case scenario is available from Coaching Club’s ‘Article Library’. To access other case studies, and hundreds of coaching resources, start your 30-day free trial at www.coachingclub.com.au.