A client has approached you with one of those situations that most people have encountered in their working life at some time or other: “What are the best ways to approach a person in the office I don’t seem to be able to get on with and ‘clear the air’ with them once and for all? Terry Neal, LCI’s Master Coach, answers…
 
This can be a challenging situation for your client who feels that this needs to happen as well as for those other staff members who may be indirectly affected by this as well. As the coach in this situation I would start by checking with your client as to what relationship they would like to have with this person once the “air is cleared”.
 
Does your client want to have a once only meeting with no further thoughts of interaction with their colleague other than what’s necessary for business - or do they want to establish a better long-term working relationship as well?
 
Initially you may detect that this situation could be a case of sexual harassment, bullying or discrimination. If this is the case, then ethically you would need to assist your client by providing information about appropriate government departments which can assist them with these matters. If this isn’t obvious at first, be aware in case your client talks about certain behaviours during the course of their session with you that could lead you to feel that one of the above scenarios is taking place in their work place.
 
However for this example, let’s assume that apart from clearing the air that your client would like to be able to have a better long-term working relationship with their colleague. Therefore to begin with you could ask the client to imagine themselves in the perfect scenario with this colleague.
 
You could ask them something like this: “Let’s imagine that tomorrow morning when you come into the office that the difficulties that you’ve been experiencing with your work colleague aren’t there anymore. How would you know that this has happened? What would you notice that was happening differently with you?
 
This could be a great way to encourage your client to image their ideal office scenario with their colleague. You could then follow this up with more questions that draw out the details of this picture; questions like “What else would be different if this miracle happens?” and as they talk about some of the ways that they’d feel different, encourage them to talk about what they would be doing with or saying to their colleague if they were “less angry” or “not feeling belittled” - or whatever the challenge was that they were having with that particular colleague.
 
It would also be important for you to help your client to see what the contrasts would be from before to after the miracle had occurred particularly if your client starts to rehash the original situation over again and starts to get stuck in that cycle of hopelessness. Keep on bringing them back to the positive where the problem has been solved through a miracle. You could then ask your client to look at how the other person might be in this miracle situation, how they might be different. What would your colleague be saying or doing in this miracle situation - especially towards you?
 
Now at this point you may find that your client may be saying that it’s OK having this miracle picture and it sounds great BUT it’s not happening in this way NOW and that they’re still in a situation of being in conflict right now - and that they have to be back with their colleague tomorrow morning at work.
 
If this scenario is raised by your client through their frustration with the current situation and they’re not able to entertain the possibility of a “miracle” happening, or if they are excited by the prospect of such a “miracle” scenario happening, you could assist them to begin creating a different relationship by asking them to recall if there have been any times in their interactions at work (or elsewhere if this also occurs) when there hasn’t been any conflict or when they thought that there might have been a difficulty but it didn’t happen?
 
Most people can bring to mind some occasion, an exception, when there was no conflict and maybe there was even agreement on a particular issue or topic. Encourage your client to focus on such a situation/s if they have happened more than once over a number of topics.
 
If your client cannot remember a time when there was an exception or an area of common interest was shared by them and their colleague, you could suggest one of two things. First, go back to the miracle question and review the scenario created by your client and ask more questions about this scenario that they would like to have with their colleague.
 
You would do this to see if what your client wants is at all feasible for while a miracle is always possible, there may be another miracle scenario that your client can imagine for which there are some workable exceptions. For example if your client said that in a miracle scenario, their colleague wasn’t at work and/or had been fired, this could be a scenario but maybe not the most appropriate one to work with. Rather than “clearing the air” or possibly creating a better working relationship with them your client has merely removed them from the picture.
 
Second, you could ask your client to observe their colleague and to note any situation where they could be involved with them in a positive way; for example listening to their point of view on a particular issue and stating agreement with them if it’s also your point of view. In other words noting ask your client to note opportunities however small that could help to create some measure of connection between your client and their colleague.
 
It would now be a good idea to assist your client to review where they are in relation to the whole office situation after imagining a miracle and noting possible exceptions. You could ask your client: On a scale of zero to 10 where 10 is where the office situation is exactly how you’d like it to be while zero is where it’s as bad as it could possibly be, where are you right now? You could then follow up with a question like: What would need to happen for you to notice a small improvement so that you could say that things have moved up a little bit on the scale?
 
If your client seems confident and has expressed a desire for change you could also check out how confident and motivated they are by asking once again using a scale of zero to 10 with zero being “not at all” and 10 being “totally confident and willing”, how willing they would be to make things better and how confident they are that things are going to get better.
 
So the final step in this process using solution focused therapy would be to set your client some tasks that are either active (e.g. pick a day between now and next time we meet and on that day pretend that you miracle has happened and note how the day goes) and/or observational (e.g. observe your colleague and those around him or her and note the colleague’s actions and what they talk about to those around them). This could assist your client to find a point of common interest which they were not aware of before.
 
It would be important once again to mention to your client that this unobtrusive observational action may assist them in finding a common point of interest that could act as a starting point for communication with their colleague

A client has approached you with the following question: how can I make a living doing what I like? Terry Neal, LCI’s Master Coach, answers…
 
I believe that this question will be asked of you by clients more and more over the coming years. Many people are realising and acknowledging to themselves and others that the work they do each day is not what they would choose to do.
 
There has been much attention lately also of an activity called ‘downshifting’, where people exchange the ‘rat race’ and doing a job that either they don’t like doing any more or which they never wanted to do in the first place for a simpler and happier life.
 
Whether your client has just started working within a job or career or they’ve been involved in a particular role for years, being able to do what they’d like to do and make a living from it probably seems (to them) highly unlikely at this point. As their coach I suggest that you first determine if your client is aware of two aspects about themselves, what their personal values are and if they know for sure what they’d like to do.
 
If values are something that they have never determined for themselves then I would begin by asking them to determine these personal values. To do this you could give them a checklist of personal values in a worksheet that they could look through and decide upon in the session, or they could take it home and work on it for next time with you.
 
The other aspect that they need to determine is what “they’d really like to do” looks like in reality. There are a number of possible approaches to do this if they’re unsure or say that they’ve never really thought about it or just have no idea. You could complete the “What’s My Life’s Purpose” exercise with them to draw up a life purpose statement:

Exercise – What’s My Life’s Purpose
 
To begin, provide your client with 6 pieces of plain paper and a few pens and then ask them to do the following: “On the first piece of paper, list as many of your positive attributes as you can. This includes abilities, skills and traits that you know to be true about you and also those which a partner, family and/or friends have said to you as well”.
 
Encourage your client to not limit what they put on the list; encourage them to put down as many as they can think of; encourage them to be truthful and honest about themselves.
 
On the second piece of paper, ask your client to write down all the ways that they express themselves in the world; all the activities that they do like painting, gardening, reading, whatever they do on a day to day basis, that’s what they write down.
 
On the third piece of paper ask your client to list all the ways they would like to see the world, the qualities that they would like to see the entire world express as commonly held values. Once again remind them to write down as many as they can think of, to not limit the qualities that they’d like to see in the world.
 
Now ask your client to look at each of the lists on each of the pieces of paper and circle the three personal qualities, expressions and world qualities that “speak” to them the strongest and deepest. This will mean that your client has 3 items indicated on each page. Remember to remind them that this is the start and that the lists can be amended at any time to reflect a more accurate sense of what’s important in their life right now.
 
On a sheet that you have prepared with the following words, ask your client to complete using their lists of words.
 
The first sentence starts with: My life’s purpose is to express and apply my… Ask your client to write in their three most important positive abilities, traits and skills.
 
It continues with: through… Ask your client here to write in the three best ways that you express yourself in the world.
 
It ends with: to bring forth in the world… Ask your client to list here those three qualities that you’d like to see expressed throughout the entire world.
 
The final step is to ask your client to read out their life purpose statement to hear how it sounds to them. You could then ask your client how it feels to them and if they want to make any amendments to it.

This will give them a strong indication of possible areas of involvement that’s closest to their personal values and beliefs. You could ask them to imagine or to visualise what their perfect working and earning money situation would look like. You could do this by using a miracle question. Ask them to sit comfortably and to close their eyes if they’re ok doing so. Let them know that you’re going to write down whatever they say so they won’t have to remember it all.
 
Once they’re comfortable and as free of distractions as they can be you could then ask your question: “Let yourself imagine that you wake up tomorrow morning and you are in the work situation that you’ve always wanted to be in. What does it look like? Where are you? Who’s around you?” Ask them to provide as much detail as possible. Keep on asking them for any more details until they stop and say that they’ve finished.
 
Ask them to open their eyes and to listen as you read out what you’ve written down about what they’ve said. Ask them if there’s anything that they’d like to add or change about what they’ve said and you’ve written. Remind them that this is the first draft only of their future working plan. It isn’t ‘carved in stone’.
 
If your client isn’t comfortable with visualisation you could suggest that they create a collage or picture of what this plan of ‘making a living doing what they ‘like’ would look like - or they could write a letter from the future to define what this idea would look like.
 
Now if your client knows what they’d like to do already to earn money, ask them to state it and to write it down or use whatever means your client would prefer to create a visual image of how it would look.
 
As a follow on from this you could ask if they are already doing this activity or some part of this activity on a regular basis e.g. if they wanted to produce art to earn money, are they painting on a regular basis now?; if they are ask them if they’re prepared to commit time to continue to do this activity on a regular basis. If they haven’t done any of this activity at all before, check that this is what they would like to do to make a living and not what they think that they should do.
 
Essentially there are three stages that your client needs to be ready to do for themselves to start making their vision or plan an actual reality: (1) recognition and acknowledgement of what they’d really like to do; (2) clear statements or pictures or whatever medium they choose of the activity in its fullest possible terms and finally (3) a commitment to allocating time to be involved in this activity from this point forward on a regular basis.
 
This will assist your client to either begin or to continue to do the activity that they would most like to do. Making a living through their preferred activity can be addressed in another session and it’s been my experience that opportunities to do this arise more easily and naturally when a person is connected to their true passion in life.

Experience and the literature inform us that transitions or changes in life are inevitable. Life Coaches need to convey that message to all clients who experience difficulties and clearly explain them that people can fight changes, flee from them or preferably accept that they need to prepare for and adapt to the changes in some way.
 
It is certainly important to have confidence in being able to plan for and adapt to change, by having skills and knowledge that one knows will work, by building resilience and the emotional strength to problem solve and make decisions.
 
Coaches can work with clients to help them becoming proactive rather than reactive to change. It means that the clients are in charge, by creating and welcoming a change, not becoming a victim of transition.  Here are some tips how to help clients cope with change:
 
Anticipation of change – identifying factors leading to change and planning for change requires flexibility of mind, not rigidity. Davey (1992, cited in Dadds, Seinen, Roth & Harnett’s, 2000, 15) stated: “Outcome expectancy models of anxiety postulate that humans develop an expectation of outcome based on a variety of sources of information and existing beliefs.

Hence, existing beliefs in highly anxious persons tend to lead to an overestimation of threat and an underestimation of coping resources.” Having a clearer informed knowledge of change and what it may really entail can help to prevent exaggeration of the nature and consequences of change or transition.
 
Maintenance of friendships and social networks – to maintain or develop new interests and activities will stop your clients from stagnating. They might accept new challenges armed with confidence, skills and knowledge.
 
Physical and emotional health care – The strength of body and mind is necessary to meet the challenges involved in change or transition. Regular exercise, a good balanced and nutritious diet, quality sleep and relaxation and limiting stimulates like alcohol, coffee and other substances will help a person to feel energised and able to cope with stress.
 
Use of relaxation techniques – since stress is a natural part of life and adapting to change is stressful, learning how to relax a body and mind can be helpful. Activities such as yoga, tai chi, qigong (Lin, 2000), listening to relaxing music or relaxation tapes (from local bookstores or libraries), going for a bush walk or a walk along the beach, meditation, developing breathing techniques for relaxation and so on are some ways in which to cope with stress and restore harmony and balance.
 
Keeping an open mind – It is about staying objective and avoid jumping to conclusions too quickly without understanding the nature of change and its consequences. Your client may well like the change when at first it didn’t look too inviting.
 
Gather information for learning – fear of the unknown can be a great source for cultivating a cycle of distress and ignorance. Change or transition can foster uncertainty for many people. By understanding how change works and what the change may entail builds clients’ confidence to adapt to change.
 
You could advise your client to do some research on the internet or go to their local library and study what change may bring. Being prepared and having some knowledge can reduce the uncertainty and the fear of the unknown that drives anxiety and stress.
 
Gradually building the changes – ‘limit the pace of change’ – trying to tackle big changes all at once is a recipe for failure - it is just too stressful and consuming of your clients’ time and energy. It is easier to tackle and adjust to smaller changes at a time so that the clients can have control over what they understand and how they deal with the change.
 
Trying to tackle and adjust to big changes may become too overwhelming and they may end up becoming too stressed and develop depression or anxiety if they fail.
 
A support group – experience can be a great teacher. Other people who have experienced transition or change may be able to share their story or stories with you. The purpose of a support group is to assist with understanding and to support one another as they try to cope with change.
 
Sense of humour – we know that life should not be all doom and gloom. We all have the capacity to laugh and find humour in the craziest of things. Change can be stressful so having a sense of humour can break down the seriousness a bit and make change look not so daunting or tough.
 
Humour is good for body and mind as it releases pent up energy and reduces the build up of cortisol that is released during stress, especially chronic levels of stress where high levels of cortisol can be damaging to the body and brain and to fighting off infections and wound healing.
 
Source: www.mentalhealthacademy.com.au

According to the Australian National Occupational Health and Safety Commission Report, December 2003, high stress levels lead to thousands of stress-related WorkCover claims every year. Cases of mental stress had by far the highest median (8.5 weeks) and average (16 weeks) time lost, and accounted for 29% of all new cases of disease. This is way above the median of 3.4 weeks lost and average of 9.3 weeks for all new cases of injury or disease.
 
Stress in the workplace is common and caused by many different factors and issues. Many problems may never be fully resolved and the amount of stress a person experiences is often determined by whether or not they can accept that some things in life will simply never be sorted out to their satisfaction. For instance, a person may feel stressed by the way they are treated by their employer, or the behaviour of a work colleague.
 
Sometimes this stress can be resolved by dealing with the particular behaviour as in many organisations, there are processes that can be followed to deal with workplace problems like harassment, victimisation or unfair treatment. If your work life and personal life are out of balance, your stress may be running high. Here’s how to reclaim control.
 
Finding work-life balance in today’s frenetically-paced world is no simple task. Spend more time at work than at home and you miss out on a rewarding personal life. Then again, if you’re facing challenges in your personal life such as caring for an aging parent or coping with marital or financial problems, concentrating on your job can be difficult.
 
Whether the problem is too much focused on work or too little, when your work life and your personal life feel out of balance, stress - and its harmful effects - is the result. To take control, first consider how the world of work has changed, then re-evaluate your relationship to work and apply the strategies for striking a more healthy balance as described in this guide.
 
How work invades your personal life: There was a time when employees showed up for work Monday through Friday and worked eight to nine hours. The boundaries between work and home were fairly clear then. But the world has changed and, unfortunately, the boundaries have blurred for many workers. Here’s why:
 
Global economy. As more skilled workers enter the global labor market and companies outsource or move more jobs to reduce labour costs, people feel pressured to work longer and produce more to protect their jobs.

International business. Work continues around the world 24 hours a day for some people. If you work in an international organisation, you might be on call around the clock for troubleshooting or consulting.

Advanced communication technology. People now have the ability to work anywhere - from their home, from their car and even on vacation. And some managers expect that.

Longer hours. Employers commonly ask employees to work longer hours than they’re scheduled. Often, overtime is mandatory. If you hope to move up the career ladder, you may find yourself regularly working more than 40 hours a week to achieve and exceed expectations.

Changes in family roles. Today’s married worker is typically part of a dual-career couple, which makes it difficult to find time to meet commitments to family, friends and community.
Overtime obsession
 
It’s tempting to work overtime if you’re an hourly employee. By doing so, you can earn extra money for a child’s university education or a dream vacation. Some people need to work overtime to stay on top of family finances or pay for extra, unplanned expenses.
 
If you’re on salary, working more hours may not provide extra cash, but it can help you to keep up with your workload. Being willing to arrive early and stay late every day may also help earn that promotion or bonus.
 
Before you sign up for overtime, consider the pros and cons of working extra hours on your work-life balance:

• Fatigue. Your ability to think and your eye-hand coordination decrease when you’re tired. This means you’re less productive and may make mistakes. These mistakes can lead to injury or rework and negatively impact your professional reputation.
• Family. You may miss out on important events, such as your child’s first bike ride, your father’s 60th birthday or your high-school reunion. Missing out on important milestones may harm relationships with your loved ones.
• Friends. Trusted friends are a key part of your support system. But if you’re spending time at the office instead of with them, you’ll find it difficult to nurture those friendships.
• Expectations. If you work extra hours as a general rule, you may be given more responsibility. This could create a never-ending and increasing cycle, causing more concerns and challenges.

Sometimes working overtime is important. It’s a choice you can make to adjust to a new job or new boss or to pay your bills. If you work for a company that requires mandatory overtime, you won’t be able to avoid it, but you can learn to manage it. If you work overtime by choice, do so in moderation. Most importantly, say no when you’re too tired, when it’s affecting your health or when you have crucial family obligations.
 
Striking the best work-life balance
 
It isn’t easy to juggle the demands of career and personal life. For most people, it’s an ongoing challenge to reduce stress and maintain harmony in key areas of their life. Here are some ideas to help you find the balance that’s best for you:
 
Keep a journal. Write down everything you do for one week. Include work-related and non-work-related activities. Decide what’s necessary and satisfies you the most. Cut or delegate activities you don’t enjoy, don’t have time for or do only out of guilt. If you don’t have the authority to make certain decisions, talk to your supervisor.
 
Take advantage of your options. Find out if your employer offers flex hours, a compressed work week, job-sharing or telecommuting for your role. The flexibility may alleviate some of your stress and free up some time.
 
Manage your time. Organise household tasks efficiently. Doing one or two loads of laundry every day rather than saving it all for your day off, and running errands in batches rather than going back and forth several times are good places to begin. A weekly family calendar of important dates and a daily list of to-dos will help you avoid deadline panic. If your employer offers a course in time management, sign up for it.
 
Rethink your cleaning standards. An unmade bed or sink of dirty dishes won’t impact the quality of your life. Do what needs to be done and let the rest go. If you can afford it, pay someone else to clean your house.
 
Communicate clearly. Limit time-consuming misunderstandings by communicating clearly and listening carefully. Take notes if it helps.
 
Let go of the guilt. Remember, having a family and a job is okay - for both men and women.
Nurture yourself. Set aside time each day for an activity that you enjoy, such as walking, working out or listening to music.
 
Unwind after a hectic workday by reading, practicing yoga or taking a bubble bath. Sitting down and watching the news is NOT recommended for relaxation or unwinding as many studies advise the news creates an upward shift in anxiety and stress levels.
 
Set aside one night each week for recreation. Take the phone off the hook; turn off the computer and the TV. Discover activities you can do with your partner, family or friends, such as playing golf, fishing, bike riding or walking on the beach. Making time for activities you enjoy will refresh you.
 
Protect your day off. Try to schedule some of your routine chores on workdays so that your days off are more relaxing.
 
Get enough sleep. There’s nothing as stressful and potentially dangerous as working when you’re sleep-deprived. Not only is your productivity affected, but you can also make costly mistakes. You may then have to work even more hours to make up for these mistakes.
 
Bolster your support system. Give yourself the gift of a trusted friend or co-worker to talk with during times of stress or hardship. If you’re part of a religious community, take advantage of the support your religious leader can provide. Ensure you have trusted friends and relatives who can assist you when you need to work overtime or travel for your job.
 
Seek professional help. Everyone needs help from time to time. If your life feels too chaotic to manage and you are constantly worrying about it, talk with a professional such as your doctor, a psychologist, a counsellor or a life coach. And if you’re experiencing high levels of stress because of marital, financial, chemical dependency or legal problems, a counsellor can link you to helpful services in your community.
 
Balance doesn’t mean doing everything. Examine your priorities and set boundaries. Be firm in what you can and cannot do. Only you can restore harmony to your lifestyle.
 
Source: www.counsellingconnection.com

The narrative approach to coaching investigates the stories that people construct in their lives to define who they are and what they do. It is the coach’s role to help clients identify stories that are limiting them from achieving their full potential and to assist in finding an alternative story that is more beneficial.
 
The coach has four main aims when implementing the narrative approach:

1. Search for alternative explanations
2. Search for unique outcomes
3. Encourage a future with the alternative story
4. Find ways to create an audience who will perceive and support the new story.

Let us look at some of the main concepts of this approach:
 
Dominant Stories
 
Dominant stories are stories in a person’s life which he or she strongly believe and have had things happen in life that have reinforced this story. They can have both positive and negative affects on the individual’s life and affect not only the present but also the future.
 
Stories consist of the following elements (De Jong & Berg, 2002):

• Events
• Linked in sequence
• Across time
• According to a plot

For example:
 
John is a successful executive to an important financial company. However, he lacks confidence in his typing ability due to situations that have occurred in the past. For example, when he was in high school he completed a typing course in which he failed. In his first job as an administrative assistant he was always in trouble for taking too long to complete projects and he thought this was due to his typing “inability”. Now that he has his own administrative assistant he gets him to type everything for him but is finding that other tasks are not completed due to this problem.
 
John’s dominant story of not being able to type has been reinforced by past incidences of being told he can’t type and failing a typing course. He now reinforces this issue by getting someone else to do the typing for him. Although John’s story is quite basic, you can see how this dominant story affects his present and will also keep affecting his future.
 
Externalising Language
 
Externalising language is used in coaching to separate the problem from the person. For example, a person may say “I am a sad person”. This implies that the person has a sad quality or characteristic of sadness rather than it just being something that affects the person from time to time.
 
Coaches working from a narrative perspective are attuned to the language they use to represent an issue or problem in their coachees’ lives. They assume that the issue or problem is “having an effect on the person” rather than the issue or problem being an intrinsic part of who the person is.
 
Rather than saying “you are lacking in motivation”, a coach working from a narrative perspective may ask “when did motivation leave you?” OR rather than say, “you are stressed” the coach may enquire, “when did stress get a hold of you?”
 
Unique outcomes
 
Unique outcomes are situations or events that do not fit with the problem-saturated story. When searching for unique outcomes, coaches focus their attention on finding any event or experience that stands apart from the problem story – even if the situation appears to be inconsequential to the client.
 
Example transcript:
 
In this example, Ben is in year 12 and is aiming to achieve a scholarship for university. Ben doesn’t usually have a problem with motivation, but lately he just can’t seem to find the energy to study. With assistance from his counsellor, Ben has named his lack of motivation, “the energy-zapper”.
 
Here is part of the conversation that takes place between Ben and his coach: 

Coach - When did the energy-zapper first make an appearance in your life?
 
Ben - Hmm, well I think I first noticed him in grade 9. I went through this stage where he was turning up and zapping my energy all the time!
 
Coach - Was there ever a time when you were able to overcome the energy-zapper’s powers?
 
Ben - Umm… yeah, once I was so behind in Maths that I just knew I had to study otherwise I would fail the next exam.
 
Coach - So what did you do?
 
Ben - Well, I guess, I just focused. I turned off the TV - I knew I had to turn off the TV - Then I thought, right I have to do this. I just have to.
 
Coach - And did you do it?
 
Ben - Yeah, you know, I did…and it really wasn’t that hard to stay focused once I got into it. I stayed up all night to study for that exam.
 
Coach - So the energy-zapper loses his power when you really focus your attention on something.
 
Ben - Yeah, I guess he does (laughs).

This conversation reveals a unique outcome for Ben.
 
Techniques
 
Techniques that will be examined in this article are:

1. Naming the problem
2. Asking externalising questions

Naming the problem is used as a way to establish a sense of distance from, and control over the problem. This is a main aim of the narrative approach.
 
Payne (2006) has identified a number of questions you may wish to use to help the client name the problem:
 
“I wonder what we will call this problem?
Do you have a particular name for what you’re going through at the moment?
There are lots of things happening to you- shall we try to pin them down? What are they, what name shall we put to them? I’ve been calling what they did to you ‘constructive dismissal’. Does that seem the right term to use?
Judging by what you say, you’re been subject to emotional abuse. How would it feel if that’s what we called it from now on? Or perhaps there’s a better name?”

If the client has trouble coming up with a name, you could suggest possibilities.
 
For example:
 
Sam is a 25-year-old professional, who has recently been promoted to a business development position within her organisation. As part of this new role, Sam will be required to provide product information to a large number of potential customers in a conference style presentation. Sam considers herself to be ‘nervous by nature’ and is worried that she may find this aspect of the role intimidating.
 
Sam and her coach have named her nervousness, the intimidator.
 
Externalising the Interview
 
Externalising questions and statements involve referring to the problem as being external to the person. For example, “you are shy” compared to a narrative approach of “when did shyness get a hold of you?” Other examples of making externalising questions include:

• How does the (problem) interfere in your life?
• How does the (problem) manage to take control of you?
• When does the (problem) usually strike?
• Have you noticed in anything makes the (problem) stronger?
• How is the (problem) hold you back?

Here’s an example from an interview with Sam (playing the role of the intimidator):

Coach – Intimidator, when did you first start spending time with Sam?
Sam – (As the intimidator) Gee, I started hanging out with Sam when she was young about 4, maybe 5 years old.
Coach – Wow, you’ve been in Sam’s life for a long time. What has made you stay so long?
Sam – (As the intimidator) Ha, ha. Well, I get a lot of opportunities to wield my powers. Sam’s easily led; I can overpower her without any difficulty.
Coach – Really? When is she at her most vulnerable?
Sam – (As the intimidator) She’s definitely her most vulnerable when she is unprepared. It’s so easy to overpower her then.

Copyright © 2010 Mental Health Academy
 
Source: www.mentalhealthacademy.com.au

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