• The Meaning of Intimacy
• Languages of Love
• Three Steps For Better Verbal Intimacy
• 7 Ways to Improve Intimacy in Your Relationship
• Romance, Intimacy and Conflict
• How Healthy Intimacy is Developed

1. Defacto/ Cohabitating relationships
2. Same sex relationships
3. Dating
4. Married  

In this article, we discuss some challenges romantic couples experience during the development of their relationship. Like most interpersonal relationships, most romantic couples experience some challenge at some point in their relationship.
 
Some of these common challenges may include infidelity, loss of intimacy, communication difficulties, coping with stress challenges, financial pressures, boundary violations, difficulty balancing individual and couple expectations, divorce, separation and breaking up.
 
Whatever the challenge, it is important to note that all dyadic relationships will experience some kind of distress at some point. For coaches providing relationship coaching services, it is useful to identify these common challenges when working with clients.
 
Infidelity
 
Infidelity is increasingly becoming one of the most common relationship challenges in romantic relationships. The acts of infidelity or cheating can have devastating consequences on those involved. Having been cheated on can result in anguish, depression, fury and humiliation (Brand, Markey, Mills & Hodges, 2007). It has been suggested that infidelity is one of the leading causes of divorce and romantic relationship breakdown (Brand, Markey, Mills & Hodges, 2007).
 
Generally, infidelity is a violation of trust by one or both members of a monogamous romantic relationship that involves a third party individual, with whom one member has an improper relationship. Zola (2007) defines infidelity as an act of emotional and/or physical betrayal characterised by behaviour that is not approved by the other partner and that has contributed to considerable ongoing distress in the non offending partner. Infidelity can be in the form of an emotional affair, a sexual affair or a combination of both. Traditionally, men are considered to be primarily interested in sexual infidelity and women are considered to be primarily interested in emotional infidelity (Zola, 2007).
 
Zola (2007) suggests that there has always been a greater emotional need or tie when it comes to women and affairs, while men tend to have an affair primarily for sex. One of the reasons given for women’s preference to emotional affairs is to “mate switch”. This refers to the quest of finding a partner without giving up the security derived from the current partner (Brand, Markey, Mills & Hodges, 2007). Infidelity prevalence rates vary according to gender with female incidents reported to be 10% to 15% lower than those of their male counterparts (Zola, 2007).
 
In resolving this matter, women are found to be more likely to forgive a sexual infidelity where as men find it the most difficult to forgive (Zola, 2007). In support for this argument, Long and Young (2007) suggest that men are more approving of affairs for sexual reasons where as women are more approving of affairs of emotional justification. It is not uncommon that couples who have experienced infidelity in their relationships experience challenges in their attempts to resolve relational problems associated with it. As such, infidelity is considered one of the most challenging issues to treat in couple therapy (Zola, 2007; Brand, Markey, Mills & Hodges, 2007).
 
Intimacy
 
The word intimacy has taken on sexual connotations. But it is much more than that. It includes all the different dimensions of our lives. It involves the physical, social, emotional, mental and spiritual aspects as well as sexual components that can enhance the feelings of togetherness between the romantic couple (Larson, Hammond & Harper, 1998). According to Sternberg’s theory of love, intimacy includes emotional bonding and feelings of connectedness. Sternberg suggests that intimacy develops during the course of the relationship and will usually include decisions of loyalty to the relationship (Long & Young, 2007).
 
Intimacy has also been conceptualised as a sense of self disclosure, sharing of one’s self and feeling closer to one’s partner. Intimacy is maintained by engagement in intimate conversation (Brunell, Pilkington & Webster, 2007; Kirby, Baucom & Peterman, 2005) and is considered a major part of romantic relationships. It is also an important factor for psychological wellbeing and is linked to positive and satisfying relationships (Brunell, Pilkington & Webster, 2007; Long & Young, 2007).
 
It is fair to assume that the quality of the romantic relationship will often be judged by the frequency of intimate interactions as perceived by each individual.  It is these unmet intimacy expectations that can often affect the relationship negatively and pose challenges for the couple (Kirby, Baucom & Peterman, 2005). Coaches dealing with loss of intimacy in romantic relationships should help clients develop trust and communication skills that can help to overcome barriers to intimacy.
 
Conflict
 
Conflict is part of any interpersonal relationship and occurs as a result of differences in opinions. People differ in values, dreams, desires and perceptions. Therefore, we are all bound to encounter conflict at some point in our lives (Long & Young, 2007). Conflict can range from less serious mild disagreements to more intensely heated arguments. Previous research has found that marital conflict often stems from unmet needs, wants, and desires. From this perspective, marital conflict is defined as a process of interaction in which one or both partners feel discomfort about some aspect of their relationship and try to resolve it in some manner (Hamamci, 2005).
 
When one person needs or wants something badly enough, and the other person is unwilling or unable to meet that need, resentment will often grow. Then, if one were to add the power of an unruly tongue, the situation will usually become ripe for very destructive forms of conflict. To look at it pragmatically, romantic relationship conflict will often happen when one member of the couple perceives inequity or experiences an imbalance in rewards or benefits from being in the relationship whereby it is perceived by one member of the couple that the other only cares about his/ her individual needs (Long & Young, 2007).
 
The negative consequences of conflict are probably familiar to all of us. Conflict can cause psychological pain that manifests in withdrawal and distance, depression, anxiety and/or aggression. Not only between the couple but also with those who are living around them (Choi, 2008). However, there are also constructive outcomes to conflict in romantic relationships. For instance, people who continue to relate to one another despite their conflict may build greater trust and confidence in each another and become more apt in their ability to resolve their problems (Johnson, 2007).
 
However, reoccurring conflict is usually a symptom of a problem in the romantic relationship and therefore should be addressed intentionally by the couple. The role of the coach, when dealing with couples who are experiencing conflict, is to help them identify the source of such conflict and its style to assist them in implementing skills to resolve the disagreements (Relationships Australia, 2009).
 
Communication
 
A good healthy romantic relationship is often characterised by good communication. Healthy couples speak openly and directly with congruent non verbal cues allowing them to convey the intended message accurately. Communication in romantic relationships connects and reassures partners and allows them to discuss and solve problems and share important information and views (Long & Young, 2007). Challenges occur when the messages we send to the other are misunderstood or misinterpreted. It is not uncommon when a couple experiences problems in their relationship, communication becomes broken (Long & Young, 2007).
 
Healthy, productive and effective communication is viewed as the binding tool for any romantic relationship. Problems and challenges in intimate relationships are often resolved through developing healthy, productive and effective communication. Therefore, the goal of enhancing communication skills may be a great starting point for the relationship coach.
 
Sexual Problems
 
Sexual intimacy is one of the most important factors in romantic relationships. It is one of the factors that differentiate a romantic relationship from any other interpersonal relationship. Sexual problems like all other problems in romantic relationships often develop as a result of an imbalance in the partner’s styles of loving (Long & Young, 2007). In the early stages of the relationship, it is common for couples to experience intense feelings of love, affection and a strong desire for one another.
 
As the relationship grows, external factors such as children and busy schedules can begin to have an impact on the sexual intimacy of the couple, often resulting in frustrations experienced by at least one member of the relationship. As the frustrations develop over time, problems may begin to surface.
 
Sometimes sexual challenges may occur as a result of sexual dysfunction. Sexual dysfunctions are characterised by psychosocial disturbances in sexual desire resulting in distress and interpersonal difficulty (APA, 2000). According to the DSM- IV-TR, some of the common sexual dysfunction disorders include sexual desire disorder, sexual arousal disorder, and orgasmic disorders. It is crucial for the coach to differentiate sexual problems from sexual dysfunctions in order to determine the appropriate referral when necessary. If sexual problems are an issue the coach can help clients explore options for achieving emotional and sexual intimacy in their relationships.
 
Substance Abuse
 
While substance abuse, particularly alcohol, has been associated with financial problems and health problems that contribute to relational distress, many people use it as a way of coping with the problems in their relationships. The first issue, of course, is money. Alcohol is expensive. Spending a great deal of money each day on alcoholic beverages is a serious problem that can put a great deal of strain on relationships.
 
Alcohol can cause people to become less sensitive to the feelings of others too. Alcohol can make it difficult for people to distinguish between the other person’s emotions, and thus they may make incorrect judgments that negatively impact their relationship with their partner (Sharf, 2001).
 
Time is an issue as well. Drinking is not a “one and done” type of activity. It can take hours out of the day, hours that could have been spent as a couple. The imposition on couple time from excessive drinking can cause partners to emotionally drift apart often resulting in problems within the dyadic relationship. Because of these and other factors, alcohol abuse has been singled out as a contributing factor to divorce, physical abuse and lowered marital satisfaction (Long & Young, 2007).
 
Divorce and Breaking Up
 
Divorce rates are increasing at an alarming rate. In Australia, 40% of marriages end up in divorce where as in USA, 50% of marriages end up in divorce (www.divorcerate.org). For romantic relationships that continuously experience high distress, low satisfaction and low relationship quality, at some point one partner or both come to a decision to end or terminate the relationship, if such challenges are not resolved.
 
According to ideas derived from social exchange theory, termination of marriages and romantic relationships will often occur as a result of costs exceeding rewards. If the individual perceives that they are not getting more than what they have invested in the relationship, this may lead to dissatisfaction with the relationship (Amato & Hohmann-Marriott, 2007).
 
Divorce and break up can be a difficult and painful experience for many. The termination of a relationship or divorce can affect an individual financially, socially, emotionally and psychologically (Long & Young, 2007). Feelings of depression, anxiety and other psychiatric disorders are often experienced during this time (Williams & Dunee-Bryant, 2006). The role of the coach is to assist and motivate clients through this life changing transition.
 
Source: www.mentalhealthacademy.com.au

As a coach there is reason for excitement when you hear this kind of question as you know that you are working with a motivated client. This client seems to be aware that professional competence is not something that is attained in one experience and that life itself is a learning opportunity.
 
Professional development therefore can be defined as a process that ensures the continued competence of the individual in any field of expertise and encourages an ongoing commitment to the ethical principles of the profession in question.
 
Further it is important to note that the concept of learning is central to any professional development plan. So you the coach can now discuss with your client some insights into the various theoretical viewpoints as to how a person learns and share with them the commonly accepted definition that learning is a relatively persistent change in an individual’s possible behaviour due to experience.
 
It is our curiosity and desire to discover that motivates the learning process. And this is a good thing - for in order to be marketable in a knowledge based economy we have to become life long learners.
 
Consequently although your client has proficiency in certain areas learning need not stop and professional development is one way to ensure the continuation of the learning process. Whatever your client’s profession it is important that they continue to develop and refine their skills and keep up to date with new and emerging trends in their field of expertise.
 
This client can be applauded for wanting to further their professional learning and personal development. It will be by answering questions such as how do you learn best; what do you want to learn; what steps can you take to achieve this learning; that your client will develop their best plan.
 
As learning is one of the keys to an effective professional development plan, it may be a good idea to implement a Learning Style Questionnaire to help identify your client’s preferred learning style. By discovering this preference you will be able to seek out experiences that draw on this style and source out the type of learning events that provide the maximum benefits. In addition your client can also make a conscious attempt to practice techniques to improve their ability to learn from other styles.
 
To complete this questionnaire your client is presented with 80 statements. An example reads “I quickly get bored with methodical, detailed work”. Beside each statement your client indicates either agreement or disagreement. Scoring then indicates your client’s learning preference from four different styles: Activist; reflector; theorist; and pragmatist.
 
Here are two samples of these questionnaires: VARK and Learning Styles
 
Each style caters to specific qualities within the learner. It is therefore easy to list how a person with a particular style will learn best and what strategies can be applied to enhance their learning.
 
Activists like to experience the learning and learn best when there is an element of risk and they can ‘bounce off’ and become energised by others. Role play, competitive team work, chairing discussions and giving presentations are all ways to promote their optimum learning.
 
Reflectors like to think things through, listen and watch. They need time to mull things over. Journaling in which they can ponder over their learning experiences is a good strategy for them.
 
Theorists learn best from anything presented as part of a system, concept or theory. They like being intellectually stretched and enjoy time spent reading books and journals and preparing a synopsis of new information.
 
Pragmatists are practical application learners and gain the most when they can link theory and practical application.
 
As a result of completing this questionnaire you now know how your client learns best and can chose appropriate strategies to implement your client’s learning. The next step clearly is to answer the what.
 
What does your client need to learn to promote their professional development? A self review is in order. Your client can gain clarity from an understanding of who they really are and an insight into what they want from their work-life activities. Your client also needs to consider the actual requirements of their profession and the competencies to meet these requirements; the opportunities for advancement and criteria for promotion.
 
They need a clear picture as to where professional development fits in with personal development and lifestyle choices and a reality check on how much finances can be committed to any development plan.
 
To find answers to this “what” you can encourage your client to ask themselves such questions as:
 
“Have I looked at my needs and values recently?”
“Am I working towards satisfying as many as possible?”
“Is the job I have the one I really want and am I working towards what I really want?”
“Do I know all I need to know about the work I am in?”
 
If not then…
 
“What more do I need to learn?”
“What do I need to do to improve my career development skills?”
“Do I have a supportive group of friends who would encourage any career transition?”
“How will any professional development activity I undertake affect my lifestyle?”
 
The answers to these questions will determine the specific details of your client’s professional development plan and enable them to set learning objectives. They will know if their values are in sync with their present career path and if not, they will assess whether their first real step is to change their career. If career and values are supportive of each other, your client can then go on to determine what skills and capabilities they want to enhance in their present job and they can list the competencies required for promotion.
 
Now based on their learning style preferences they can explore professional development activities that will meet the set objectives. These activities include undertaking further course work; attending seminars, presentations and conferences; private reading programs such as professional journals and articles; mentoring or supervision with those more experienced in their field; facilitating relevant workshops, seminars or presentations; or writing articles for publication in professional books and journals.
 
With your assistance your client can tailor a plan to meet their needs using strategies which best meet their learning style. For example, your client may have indicated that they would like more understanding of marketing strategies. If your client is a theorist they may undertake a course of readings and prepare a report on their findings.
 
If they are a pragmatist they may chose to develop a marketing plan based on specific principles and see if it works. An activist may chose to join a marketing forum where they can bounce off ideas and a reflector will research date and diarise their thoughts on marketing concepts.
 
To complete your client’s professional development plan you might suggest that they also consider listing some ideas to enhance their personal development or self awareness as well as list strategies to reduce their stress levels and prevent burnout.
 
Such a plan is very comprehensive and promises your client not only an exciting learning experience but a healthy one as well.

Significant, rewarding achievements are never easy and do not happen overnight; they are derived from fruits of hard labour, progressive development and the resolve to keep going. Sometimes, even when strategy and planning are well designed, people fail to achieve their desired outcomes. Why? Because they can’t keep themselves motivated enough to move forward and hence fall back to old habits.

But as marketing guru Zig Ziglar has quoted, motivation is an indispensable part of any process of achievement: “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing - that’s why we recommend it daily.”

Here are some tips to help you (and your clients) keep motivated: 

1. Ensure your original vision is a true desire, motivated intrinsically rather than by the expectations of others or a sense of what you “should” want. Your vision should be emotionally alive and have the potential to energise and motivate you.
2. Ensure that you are aware of the benefits (and also the possible downsides) of attaining your vision (e.g. you may be eager to build muscle mass but are you willing to sacrifice your otherwise free time for the gym in an effort to maintain that achievement?)
3. Set achievable short-term milestone targets, ensuring that the targets cannot be too easily achieved. Goals that are “easy” to achieve don’t contribute to the sense of accomplishment and achievement that is necessary to build the momentum for long-term motivation.
4. State goals in the positive. The unconscious mind doesn’t recognise terms that are negative. If, for example, you are asked not to think of a ‘pink elephant’ - it is likely a pink elephant will pop immediately to mind. If goals are stated in the negative, you are likely to focus on the negative.
5. Identify specific actions that will lead to the outcome you desire. Record them in an action plan and take steps daily to complete them.
6. Reward accomplishment.

Exercise – What’s My Life’s Purpose
 
To begin, provide your client with 6 pieces of plain paper and a few pens and then ask them to do the following: “On the first piece of paper, list as many of your positive attributes as you can. This includes abilities, skills and traits that you know to be true about you and also those which a partner, family and/or friends have said to you as well”.
 
Encourage your client to not limit what they put on the list; encourage them to put down as many as they can think of; encourage them to be truthful and honest about themselves.
 
On the second piece of paper, ask your client to write down all the ways that they express themselves in the world; all the activities that they do like painting, gardening, reading, whatever they do on a day to day basis, that’s what they write down.
 
On the third piece of paper ask your client to list all the ways they would like to see the world, the qualities that they would like to see the entire world express as commonly held values. Once again remind them to write down as many as they can think of, to not limit the qualities that they’d like to see in the world.
 
Now ask your client to look at each of the lists on each of the pieces of paper and circle the three personal qualities, expressions and world qualities that “speak” to them the strongest and deepest. This will mean that your client has 3 items indicated on each page. Remember to remind them that this is the start and that the lists can be amended at any time to reflect a more accurate sense of what’s important in their life right now.
 
On a sheet that you have prepared with the following words, ask your client to complete using their lists of words.
 
The first sentence starts with: My life’s purpose is to express and apply my… Ask your client to write in their three most important positive abilities, traits and skills.
 
It continues with: through… Ask your client here to write in the three best ways that you express yourself in the world.
 
It ends with: to bring forth in the world… Ask your client to list here those three qualities that you’d like to see expressed throughout the entire world.
 
The final step is to ask your client to read out their life purpose statement to hear how it sounds to them. You could then ask your client how it feels to them and if they want to make any amendments to it.

This will give them a strong indication of possible areas of involvement that’s closest to their personal values and beliefs. You could ask them to imagine or to visualise what their perfect working and earning money situation would look like. You could do this by using a miracle question. Ask them to sit comfortably and to close their eyes if they’re ok doing so. Let them know that you’re going to write down whatever they say so they won’t have to remember it all.
 
Once they’re comfortable and as free of distractions as they can be you could then ask your question: “Let yourself imagine that you wake up tomorrow morning and you are in the work situation that you’ve always wanted to be in. What does it look like? Where are you? Who’s around you?” Ask them to provide as much detail as possible. Keep on asking them for any more details until they stop and say that they’ve finished.
 
Ask them to open their eyes and to listen as you read out what you’ve written down about what they’ve said. Ask them if there’s anything that they’d like to add or change about what they’ve said and you’ve written. Remind them that this is the first draft only of their future working plan. It isn’t ‘carved in stone’.
 
If your client isn’t comfortable with visualisation you could suggest that they create a collage or picture of what this plan of ‘making a living doing what they ‘like’ would look like - or they could write a letter from the future to define what this idea would look like.
 
Now if your client knows what they’d like to do already to earn money, ask them to state it and to write it down or use whatever means your client would prefer to create a visual image of how it would look.
 
As a follow on from this you could ask if they are already doing this activity or some part of this activity on a regular basis e.g. if they wanted to produce art to earn money, are they painting on a regular basis now?; if they are ask them if they’re prepared to commit time to continue to do this activity on a regular basis. If they haven’t done any of this activity at all before, check that this is what they would like to do to make a living and not what they think that they should do.
 
Essentially there are three stages that your client needs to be ready to do for themselves to start making their vision or plan an actual reality: (1) recognition and acknowledgement of what they’d really like to do; (2) clear statements or pictures or whatever medium they choose of the activity in its fullest possible terms and finally (3) a commitment to allocating time to be involved in this activity from this point forward on a regular basis.
 
This will assist your client to either begin or to continue to do the activity that they would most like to do. Making a living through their preferred activity can be addressed in another session and it’s been my experience that opportunities to do this arise more easily and naturally when a person is connected to their true passion in life.

Hence, existing beliefs in highly anxious persons tend to lead to an overestimation of threat and an underestimation of coping resources.” Having a clearer informed knowledge of change and what it may really entail can help to prevent exaggeration of the nature and consequences of change or transition.
 
Maintenance of friendships and social networks – to maintain or develop new interests and activities will stop your clients from stagnating. They might accept new challenges armed with confidence, skills and knowledge.
 
Physical and emotional health care – The strength of body and mind is necessary to meet the challenges involved in change or transition. Regular exercise, a good balanced and nutritious diet, quality sleep and relaxation and limiting stimulates like alcohol, coffee and other substances will help a person to feel energised and able to cope with stress.
 
Use of relaxation techniques – since stress is a natural part of life and adapting to change is stressful, learning how to relax a body and mind can be helpful. Activities such as yoga, tai chi, qigong (Lin, 2000), listening to relaxing music or relaxation tapes (from local bookstores or libraries), going for a bush walk or a walk along the beach, meditation, developing breathing techniques for relaxation and so on are some ways in which to cope with stress and restore harmony and balance.
 
Keeping an open mind – It is about staying objective and avoid jumping to conclusions too quickly without understanding the nature of change and its consequences. Your client may well like the change when at first it didn’t look too inviting.
 
Gather information for learning – fear of the unknown can be a great source for cultivating a cycle of distress and ignorance. Change or transition can foster uncertainty for many people. By understanding how change works and what the change may entail builds clients’ confidence to adapt to change.
 
You could advise your client to do some research on the internet or go to their local library and study what change may bring. Being prepared and having some knowledge can reduce the uncertainty and the fear of the unknown that drives anxiety and stress.
 
Gradually building the changes – ‘limit the pace of change’ – trying to tackle big changes all at once is a recipe for failure - it is just too stressful and consuming of your clients’ time and energy. It is easier to tackle and adjust to smaller changes at a time so that the clients can have control over what they understand and how they deal with the change.
 
Trying to tackle and adjust to big changes may become too overwhelming and they may end up becoming too stressed and develop depression or anxiety if they fail.
 
A support group – experience can be a great teacher. Other people who have experienced transition or change may be able to share their story or stories with you. The purpose of a support group is to assist with understanding and to support one another as they try to cope with change.
 
Sense of humour – we know that life should not be all doom and gloom. We all have the capacity to laugh and find humour in the craziest of things. Change can be stressful so having a sense of humour can break down the seriousness a bit and make change look not so daunting or tough.
 
Humour is good for body and mind as it releases pent up energy and reduces the build up of cortisol that is released during stress, especially chronic levels of stress where high levels of cortisol can be damaging to the body and brain and to fighting off infections and wound healing.
 
Source: www.mentalhealthacademy.com.au

• Pay on time;
• Pay a higher price;
• Spread word of your good service;
• Stay a customer for a long time;
• Purchase frequently;
• Are easy to deal with.

Non-optimal customers:

• Demand a lot of your (non-billable) time;
• Are delinquent payers;
• Don’t appreciate your service;
• Shop around based on price;
• Are unpredictable and difficult to service.

The challenge then becomes how to attract more optimal customers and less (none!) non-optimal customers. Here’s a 6-Step Plan to maximize the number of optimal customers you have.
 
STEP 1: Clearly DEFINE the characteristics and attributes of your optimal customer.
 
Firstly you must know who your optimal customers are. You need to know as much as possible about them. Only by defining their unique characteristics can you then a/ explore ways to get more like customers; and b/ exclude customers not exuding these characteristics.
 
STEP 2: TARGET your optimal customers.
 
Your optimal customers may only comprise a small sub-section of your niche. Generally though, they’re harder to convert, but much more loyal and lucrative when you do.
 
Now that you know their characteristics, you need to target them. You need to know information such as: 

1. Where they physically reside/work;
2. What journals, papers, websites, etc they read in common;
3. What their common problems, challenges, motivations are;

STEP 3: Structure a unique sales process to CONVERT them.
 
Your optimal clients often require: more information; more credibility; more time; more trust to convert.
 
To land the big fish, you need special equipment. The sales process you use to attract and convert your non-optimal customers most often will not work to convert your optimal customers. That’s why your optimal customers only comprise a small percentage of your customers.
 
It’s most likely you’ll find optimal customers slow to convert, particularly early on. You’ll need to dedicate 80% of your marketing time and effort to converting them. And your follow up process may extend across numerous contacts over several months.
 
STEP 4: OVERDELIVER.
 
You need to be an expert in your niche to convert and retain optimal customers. This means becoming an expert; espousing that you’re an expert; and delivering as an expert. And to augment this process you should strive to constantly DELIVER MORE than your prospect is EXPECTING.
 
You can do that by providing an extra service at no cost; giving away a voucher for a free session with another professional that you might have a JV agreement with; or providing valuable information that will assist them tackle common obstacles that relate to their lives.
 
STEP 5: Create impetus through ENDORSEMENT.
 
The point here is that if you want to light a rocket under your sales, you’ve got to go beyond selling products and services. You’ve got to sell a social identity.
 
Use your existing optimal customers to attract others. People of similar stature, trait and status gain credibility amongst their peer group. Use testimony and endorsement from existing optimal customers to build your credibility and trust with prospective optimal customers.
 
STEP 6: Be PERSISTENT.
 
Many businesses chase the big fish, but only a very small percentage actually work with them. One of the main reasons is lack of persistence. If you want to be successful you have to be more persistent than your colleagues chasing the same target.
 
IMPORTANT…
 
Everything you do reflects on your service and brand. To attract, convert and work with optimal customers, you need commitment and consistency. Remember how to apply the Rule of Commitment and Consistency: 

Once someone has made a decision they stubbornly defend it. You can use this self-validating process to up-sell and cross-sell additional products and services.
 
Soon after a sale, ask for referrals. Have a structured, automated system to ask clients for referrals within a short timeframe of them buying.
 
Carefully structure your selling strategies and scripts to invoke incremental “yeses” to taking up your service.
 
Act consistently. Everything you say, do, deliver and imply must be consistent. The moment you deviate in consistency you’ll lose credibility.
 
Once you finish running a session with a client or group of clients, be sure to reset a date and time for the next session before you finish. Clients will be far more committed to your services at time of delivery, and this is the best time to ask for future commitments.

Finally, every single piece of communication you have with them needs to be of the highest quality, consistently exuding your high quality service and brand.

1. Use strategies to be liked by your prospects and clients. (Read How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie for some powerful tips).
2. Always be positive and genuinely interested in the concerns of prospects.
3. Always be fully present when communicating with clients and prospects. Never talk to a prospect on the phone while you’re on the internet or reading emails.
4. Listen to your client when they tell you about their interests, their family and friends. Get in the habit of remembering names, events, favourite teams or pastimes and use this information to show a genuine interest and desire to get to know your clients. This shows that you care and people naturally like those that care

Source: www.coachingclub.com.au